The Science of Interpersonal Relations - A practical guide to building healthy relationships, improving your soft skills and learning effective communication
How much do I want to read more? 7/10
A great book about dating, mating, nurturing a close relationship, through communicating well.
Introduction: Why You Need to Polish Your Relationship Skills
the magic ingredient that makes for a wonderful relationship is good communication.
Here are the root causes of most relationship problems:
We have unrealistic expectations:
movies, TV shows…
Another common problem is that people assume a partner can fulfil all of their emotional needs.
We need to learn to communicate our wants, needs, and boundaries.
We assume that if you have to work at a relationship, it isn’t worth having.
We want to be right at all costs: If you would rather “win” an argument than reach a compromise, your relationship will suffer.
We need to approach relationships as collaborative projects, understand our partner’s communication style, and be willing to make ourselves vulnerable by admitting when we are hurt.
I have published two books on this fascinating topic: “Communication Skills Training” and “The Science of Effective Communication”.
Even if you are already in a relationship, going back to basics and rethinking your approach to communication will result in a deeper bond between you and your partner.
You’ll find out why you and your partner tend to fight about the same things over and over again;
Part I – Laying the Groundwork For Healthy Relationships
Chapter 1: How Your Communication Skills Can Help You Choose the Right Partner
First, you need to know how to let someone understand who you are and what you want. Second, you need to be able to read the signs that indicate someone isn’t on the same page as you or, even worse, that they have serious emotional or psychological problems.
Are you really ready to date?
Question 1: Do you have insight into your own feelings, and do you know what you really want from a partner?
Think about the kind of relationship you need, the qualities you want in a mate, and what you can learn from past relationships. If you are hazy on what you want, you’ll waste time on people who aren’t remotely suitable for you. Self-knowledge and emotional intelligence are also vital for successful dating.
Question 2: Are you willing to create a relationship based on mutuality?
Are you truly ready to get to know someone as they really are, and to compromise when the going gets tough?
Question 3: Can you regulate your emotions?
You need to tolerate uncomfortable emotions without taking them out on your partner. If you aren’t in a position to do that, you shouldn’t be looking for a relationship. Your priority, for the sake of your own mental health and that of your future partner, should be on developing your emotional intelligence (EQ) instead. Learn how to recognize your own emotions, and develop some healthy coping strategies.
Reading the signs
1) You want to make sure that your date is searching for a relationship;
2) You want to make sure that they are capable of healthy communication;
3) You want to screen your date for red flags;
4) You want to make sure that the two of you are not fundamentally incompatible.