Never Split the Difference - Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

How much do I want to read more? 7/10

The author succeeded in keeping me interested to read the book, without providing any interesting information in the whole beginning of the book (Chapter 1).
I want to read what's next just because the "table of contents" looks interesting, regarding human psychology.
Negociations are part of our everyday life, and I'm convinced it can effectivley change our lives.
I also like the way it join the NVC, with getting to an agreement for both parties.


At any given time, there are ten thousand FBI agents in the Bureau, but only one lead international kidnapping negotiator. That was me.
“We’ve got your son, Voss. Give us one million dollars or he dies.”
even after two decades negotiating for human lives you still feel fear. Even in a role-playing situation.

"I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, much less one million dollars, if I don’t even know he’s alive?"
open-ended question. It buys you time.


we are always an animal, always acting and reacting first and foremost from our deeply held but mostly invisible and inchoate fears, needs, perceptions, and desires.


Through decades of research with Tversky, Kahneman proved that humans all suffer from Cognitive Bias, that is, unconscious—and irrational—brain processes that literally distort the way we see the world.
There’s the Framing Effect, which demonstrates that people respond differently to the same choice depending on how it is framed.
Loss Aversion, which shows how people are statistically more likely to act to avert a loss than to achieve an equal gain.


people want to be understood and accepted. Listening is the cheapest, yet most effective concession.
By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing.
When individuals feel listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings.
Contrary to popular opinion, listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do.


The majority of the interactions we have at work and at home are negotiations that boil down to the expression of a simple, animalistic urge: I want.
“I want you to give me a 10 percent raise.”
“I want you to go to sleep at 9 p.m.”

Getting what you want out of life is all about getting what you want from—and with—other people.
new approach designed to help you disarm, redirect, and dismantle your counterpart in virtually any negotiation.
you’ll also learn how to use a deep understanding of human psychology to negotiate a lower car price, a bigger raise, and a child’s bedtime. This book will teach you to reclaim control of the conversations that inform your life and career.

In this world, you get what you ask for; you just have to ask correctly. So claim your prerogative to ask for what you think is right.


Each chapter expands on the previous one.
Active Listening.
phrase, the ins and outs of the final act—haggling.
how to discover the rarity that can help you achieve true negotiating greatness: the Black Swan.
Mirroring, Silences
how to slow things down and make your counterpart feel safe enough to reveal themselves
to discern between wants (aspirations) and needs (the bare minimum for a deal);
Tactical Empathy. o recognize your counterpart’s perspective. repeating that perspective back to them.
how to defuse negative dynamics by bringing them into the open.
how to disarm your counterpart’s complaints about you by speaking them aloud in an Accusation Audit.
“That’s right” instead of “Yes”
rearticulate, and emotionally affirm your counterpart’s worldview with Summaries and Paraphrasing.
to get to “No” because “No” starts the negotiation.
to step out of your ego and negotiate in your counterpart’s world
how to engage your counterpart by acknowledging their right to choose
framing a negotiation in such a way that your counterpart will unconsciously accept the limits you place on the discussion.
how to navigate deadlines to create urgency;
anchor their emotions so that not accepting your offer feels like a loss.
Calibrated Questions. they force your counterpart to apply their mental energy to solving your problems.
nonverbal communication;
how to use “How” questions to gently say “No”;
how to get your counterparts to bid against themselves;
how to prepare to how to dodge an aggressive counterpart and how to go on the offensive
Ackerman system: setting and making offer
Black Swan. how to recognize the markers that show the Black Swan’s hidden nest. five pieces of information that, were they to be uncovered, would change everything.

Negotiation is the heart of collaboration. It is what makes conflict potentially meaningful and productive for all parties. It can change your life.