To Hell with the Hustle - Reclaiming Your Life in an Overworked, Overspent, and Overconnected World
How much do I want to read more? 8/10
That sounds like a compilation of self help topics. Being instead of doing, habits, purpose.
The author thought about many things, and expose it in an interesting way. With his own modern perspective as a millenial.
I was surprised about him saying the will to self-actualization is vain. But everything here is worth reflecting upon.
A TIME TO RESIST
It’s a tough thing to hear your wife say she wishes you had married someone else. It’s even tougher when, for a second, you think she might be right.
it sure felt like life would have been easier if I had married someone a little bit more like me. Why did she have to be so different?
When it came to making decisions about work and future commitments, we’d clash.
Parenting toddlers, being self-employed, and still needing to feed ourselves three times a day were more than enough to keep track of without a deep, recurring marital conflict thrown into the mix.
Here was the crux of it: when I’m overwhelmed, burned out, and tired, my default position is “let’s go,” while Alyssa’s is “let’s stop.”
I’m too exhausted for decision-making so I just say yes. Alyssa is the opposite. When she is burning out she gets anxious, and to avoid feeling crushed or overwhelmed she automatically says no to any new demands.
I felt confused because I thought we were doing everything we were supposed to be doing. We got married, had kids, got jobs, and worked hard.
We read our Bibles and prayed. We were doing all the right things, but we sure didn’t feel like we were. Instead of experiencing fulfillment and happiness, we were tired, wired, anxious, and on edge.
We as humans aren’t meant to float off into space. We are meant to live with our feet on the ground, so to speak. To be attached and connected to something that can anchor us in the dirt.
But because of unrealistic expectations, most of us are building our lives and families on the moon, and we’re floating off into space without realizing it.
Work jumped from “material production” to “identity production.” work used to be about making things. Then all of a sudden, work was about making us.
a job is about more than a paycheck—it’s about a purpose.
It’s as if millions of us are on a treadmill, believing we’re going somewhere when we’re actually going nowhere. All that work, energy, and effort—yet we’re running for nothing. Even worse, it feels like someone is pushing the up arrow on the treadmill constantly so we have to run faster and faster just to stay on.
If you put a frog in water that is already boiling, it will jump right out from the sheer pain and collision of senses. But if you put a frog in water at room temperature, then steadily raise the heat one degree at a time until it is boiling, the frog will slowly but eventually die.
This book is me saying, Wait a minute. It’s starting to get a little warm in here.
We are slowly crushing our souls with noise.
we’re living in our own private hells that are dragging us down spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
I am realizing that only those who are anchored in a richer and deeper and more meaningful experience than the one our culture is currently offering won’t get sucked away.
1- WE’RE BEING FORMED, WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT
difference between a goal and formation:
- One is about the end. The other is about the present.
- One is about doing. The other is about being.
- One is about results. The other is about process.
formations are who I am becoming through the practices I’m doing.
to see ourselves through not what we achieve but who we are becoming.
Who am I becoming through the practices I’m doing?
Information Is Killing Us
We can essentially read, watch, look up, and listen to just about anything at any time.
Essentially, why aren’t we superhuman yet?
how many bulletproof coffees do we have to drink before we actually start becoming the person we want to become? How many bullet journals do we have to crack open, podcasts do we have to listen to, Whole30 initiatives do we have to start, before we can be finished?
we are informationally obese. Gorging ourselves on information until we are sick and unhealthy. Just one more podcast, one more YouTube video, one more hack to achieve a more optimized life.
Today, we face a huge gap between who we are and who we want to be simply because we can actually see that gap better than ever before.
are social media and Google the tobacco companies of the twenty-first century? Are smartphones the cocaine of today?
Every two days we develop as much information as we did between the dawn of civilization and 2003.
the actual amount of data we consume in a day would have been one person’s entire lifetime’s worth in 1574.
our telos is that picture we all hold in our minds of that’s where I want to go, that’s who I want to be, and that’s how I want it to look when I get there.
We will bend and break an entire life around what we believe our telos to be.
We lean into information because we believe it’s going to give us a certain future (our telos). But how’s that going for us? When are we going to realize it’s not taking us where we want to go?
Goals Are Finite and Final
generations before us built countries without goal-setting. Electricity, locomotive train. for Alexander Hamilton or Mozart—if only they would’ve known about goal-setting.
Here’s the bitter truth: a lot of people have the same goals, but not a lot of people reach them.
finish lines and end-result motivators do not change us. They usually feel too daunting or too disconnected from our current, everyday lives.
Because it’s not about the marathon. It’s about I’m a runner.
on our identity. On who we are becoming.
what’s beautiful about formations is you get both—the process of becoming and probably the achievement or “finish line” too.
Who Are You Today?
think back two years. Would the you of two years ago be happy or excited with how the last two years panned out in relation to your goals and plans and dreams?
what gets us to where we want to go?
being disciplined, willpower, trying harder. I think it’s misleading.
Here’s the peculiar truth—what forms our identities are the million, tiny, micro-sized actions we all do every day without realizing it or thinking twice about it.
We are the sum of our habits.
Here’s the thing about habits: they are less about doing something and more about loving something.
- a routine is mundane (tying your shoe)
- A habit is something that goes a lot deeper into our desires and drives and loves—a repeated action that is difficult to give up or alter (for good or bad)
- A ritual to me is a habit of meaning. A repeatable action that draws us into a sacred moment.
the reason habits are stickier and harder to shift or change is that they usually drive deep down into our loves. Our telos (our vision of the good life) is revealed through our habits. And our habits are simply the things we love deeply without ever realizing it. What we love has the power to control us and give our lives meaning and depth and richness.
No one knew better than Steve Jobs that we are story creatures, not information creatures. We don’t want facts; we want a way of life. We don’t want the answers; we want a vision of what is good.
They aren’t trying to sell you on what the phone does. They’re trying to paint a vision of the beautiful life their phone can give you.