David Lefran├žois

Psychologue de formation.

Law of attraction is great to get people into the self-help world. But it's largely insufficient.

What prevents us from changing in a durable way?

We all have the desire to succeed. It's coded in our genetic cells.
Evolution is what we're made for.

Social skills is important because it's what get you do something, to go forward.

Forst, Intellect spehere. You want to succeed. You got to have the will. There's work to be done here.

Second, After you start doing in the direction you choose. Motivation plays a role. You can work on it. Long term motivation is called determination. No success can be achieved without determination. People willing to succeed without determination is a mere wish. You started the engine, but you still have to drive. You need to know the direction, and how to drive it whatever the weather, sunny or rainy or stormy. Adaptability tactics are key. People who don't make it just don't accept the frustration that comes with changing. To change oneself feels uncomfortable. Ex: cross your arms, then the other way around. You brain didn't make the connection the other way around so you feel awkward.
So for every change we have to make, we need to defeat the barrier of frustration.
People want the result of being successful without the struggle.

In our Era, distraction and entertainment are getting more and more omnipresent.

Every worldwide champion I know would not skip one training, although it might be incomfortable.
Skipping once won't make your abilities disappear. But it will get your mental into a bad habit. That you can miss.
If you allow yourself not to do it once, it's game over.

The law of the least effort governs us. That's why success is not accessible for everyone.
From an evolutionary point of view, the one thing natural selection value the most is not having the biggest will to succeed.
But it's accepting the struggles (the violent efforts to get through).
You have to if you want to commit to change. You have to self-discipline.

The idea that you need 21 days to make a new habit stick is "bullshit".
To make a new habit stick you have to create a new path in your neuronal network. That is, a combination of neurons that will sparkle together.
30 days is the minimum to create this new neuronal path. And that's only the beginning. The frustration that comes with the new behavior will start to fade.
90 days to create a neuronal road. You start to enjoy the new behavior.

Ex: You want to commit with doing sport.
For the first 30 days it will be hard to get up and do it. You'll have to force yourself in a violent counter intuitive way. You'll prefer stay comfortable as you always did.
Your brain both want to avoid pain and have pleasure.
So for those first 30 days you need to have a strong and deep sense of why yuou're doing it.
You're being tested.
It needs to be big enough to worth it. So you can see value in it. You need the energy to do it.

After 90 days, you will start to actually enjoy doing it.

After 6 to 9 months. It (depends on emotional intensity): it will become a habit. And not to do it will become a frustration.
It still can be in danger because of the environment, our surroundings.

The brain likes to have a daily routine to stick with. It's important to make things around the same time. It will engrain the habit faster.

There cannot be durable success without discipline.
You need to decide. Discipine is to cut yourself away from lots of things in your life.
Define your priorities.
Ou Society doesn't teach us that.

There are very few people who can stick with discipline in the long run.