How much do I want to read more? 10/10
I just got the best insights I ever had over the past 20 years.
it's not only because of this content, its is a combination with other things I consume. But this one definitely made it ticks
Unbelievable. Astonishing. Amazed. Speechless.
I knew him already, and I knew his is good. But here it's another level. he's majestic. I don't know what happened but the transformation is impressive. Every sentence he says carries a long earned wisdom. It made me think about my own life so much so that I'm convinced I'm in a turning point in my life.
Ill will read it again, and apply apply apply. It reasonate so strongly with me.
This might be the best interview I've seen. Ceine Martinez is mostly awkward and is still on her journey to get that wisdom and confidence, but we owe her this precious, rare and rich moment that sums up mountains of self-help litterature without any bullshits.
Martin Latulippe - Habits
Entrepreneur, Auteur best-seller et Conférencier en Leadership d'inspiration (potentiel humain)
A habit is something that can either leads you to success or failure
Whatever matters most in your life, success is one good thought after another, one good decision after another, one right action after another; And it needs to be applied in the long run.
Failure on the other hand, is nothing but thoughts, decisions and actions one after another, but not the right ones, repeatedly.
Habits are those small thoughts, decisions and actions. What our moment-to-moment is made of through the day.
Lots of peoople set goals, but what about their habits?
To have goals without habits carrying them is like a one leg chair. It's unstable, unconfortable, and useless.
Lots of people want to have success but don't think about setting the right habits. That is, what is your day made of, moment to moment.
It's fascinating because this simple mechanism to set the right habits work for any type of goal, be it for your finance, your family, and so on.
Is it possible to have success without the right habits? Yes. But for a short period of time only. For example a singer may do one hit, a writer one best-seller, a person one business, and then not to be heard of again, where they started.
Think of a mother who stop putting the right habit to make her family blossom. If she doesn't spend time with her children, her relationship will fade away.
A simple law is the law of use. Use something to strenghen in. The moment you stop using it, it slowly decays.
Au lieu de l'Excellence, les gens restent dans leurs complaisance.
How to be excellent? You have to start first (or else you stay in your comfort zone).
People conform. No wonder they become average. They spend their time looking at others, to compare, to envy the successful persons, develop harmful thoughts, get stuck, immobile.
They get to a different destination they wanted. Not excellence, but mediocrity. Why? Their goals were high, but not supported by the right habits.
Imagine a person taking 15 kilos overnight. She cannot get up from the bed and can't believe it.
It doesn't work that way of course. She takes a fraction of a kilo every day, and it repeats over time.
How did she take those fractions? malnutrition, lack of exercice.
It's ok to make an excess a few times. Not to follow the right habits for a few days. What's important is the long run. So we have to look back, observe ourselves. Observe our goals. Be honest with you: Are they still attainable?
Be humble enough. Don't lie to yourself. Be aware and ask yourself how you can change your habits.
Measure your progress. Have feedback.
Go back to the basics, your habits.
Research shows that about 80% or 90% of our daily actions are the results of habits.
Habits are like a highway. We take the same road everyday.
But the same way you did built a habit, it is possible to unbuild it.
Maybe it come from our parents, our friends, our environment.
Observe yourself. Ask yourself what habit you need to set. Then go build it.
Or else you can spend years and decades on the Self-Help treadmill and just stay at the same place.
What happen when you set the right habit?
- You feel proud of yourself.
- You will inspire your surrounding from the healthy habit you're taking
- You will also become humble. Because you'll notice you don't follow the right habits always. That is tremendous because if you're sincere and true to your goals, you'll be forced to find hacks and alternatives, to change the way you do things. This is a space and time for reflection that can propell our success, but most of people avoid it. They don't want to confront with failure, they don't look at what they're not doing right. They hide it from others and from themselves. They don't want to look like a failure. And paradoxically it's what they impose on themselves.
Your self-esteem depends on your interpretation of the worthiness of your habit.
Some people love to condamn themselves. They get prisoner of their culpability.
Our society creates this. People see the gap between their aspiration and where they stand. So when they step forward, they say "it's nothing" instead of celebrating.
Your self-sabotaging your success. You plant the seeds of giving up. You're not setting your awareness in admiring that you took action, you progressed, your felt pride, you inspired people,
Many people fail to follow a heathy diet.
But the habits we're talking about here are not at the same level as eating healthy or doing exercice. We all know this.
We're talking about hidden habits, micro habits. Most people aren't aware of it.
Research show that successful people, who stick with eating healthy or exercicing, have strategies to follow through micro habits.
Ask yourself what are the micro habits you can find in the self-help world that can reminds you of eating healthy or exercicing.
First of all, How do you want to aim at a goal you didn't even defined?
Our society portrayed success in such a ridiculous way. They praised it in such a way it's misleading: short-term, superficial.
It's great to want to be rich, to be skilled, to have great relationship with our children.
Just keep in mind what it takes. If you're back from work and still stuck on your screen, just like your kid is, you may not expect the same outcome with if you were playing and enjoying with him.
The problem is we don't think about what we resonate with, what really matters in the end. What is success for me?
Instead of copying what others do and eat, ask yourself what's good for you. You may not have the same needs.
Setting goals. One habit most people don't know.
When you set a goal it's important to be specific. Self-help movement teach that for a long time, and it's very true.
Instead of saying I need to lose weigh, say I need to lose 5 kilos. Being specific makes it possible to measure your progress.
However, recent research show that it's even more important to be specific with things that don't go right. Reflect on why you didn't achieve your goal in the past. What were the obstacles that made you give up. Maybe your environment, the people around, the things they said.
Make it a habit to think about what might your goal fail. List your fears, the different possible ways you might fail.
This will strenghen your will to succeed.
If you avoid it and focus on the "positive", let's say to make $500,000 then it will sound fake to you. Get real.
It will give you more lucidity.
To get there, I will have to face this.
The second benefit is it will strenghen the need for you to take action.
Example: You're looking for a job. You send your resume.
If you're specific with the obstacles, you list the reasons you may not get what you want: The competition (better resume out there). Some may be fluent in different languages. Or have another key skill that you don't possess. Being aware of it, you will take action to improve your resume, to get that skill you don't have. Action become a necessity. It's being obvious to you. You will automatically become more dedicated. You'll be aware of your commitment, your engagement, your obligation.
It's very subtle and can seems insignificant. But lots of people don't see it.
They would just say: I didn't get the job despite of sending my resume.
After you set your goal, don't forget to practice the "mental contrast".
You have a vision, you get inspired. Contrast it with your mind to get lucidigy (strengthen your commitment, increase your call to action)
Second technique I use a lot if the "If… Then…"
Don't be fooled by its simplicity. What matters is its effectiveness.
A great lesson is to make the difference between simplicity and efficacity.
People usualy say: I already know that. It's just common sense. It's so simple, it canoot be this that will change my life.
The "If… Then…" technique can increase your chance of success by 300%
It sells more than the technique name itself. You get people's attention instantly when they hear the results they can get out of it.
It simply is forseeing, predicting what can be, and programming a plan in case it happens.
If "obstacle 1" then "do this". It gets you ready for whatever may happen instead of being taken by surprise.
You embrace agility, your capacity to move quickly and easily.
One of the key to success is to adapt. Adapting rapidly in real time.
Example, for a salesman it might be: if it's 4pm and I didn't cold call my clients, then I cold call all my clients. Instead of thinking at the back of his head "I should cold call my clients".
We have like an embedded GPS in our brain. If we give it direction, it will follow through.
If I want to eat snacks tonight, I will drink water / I will eat nuts instead / I will take a walk outside / I will take 4 deep breaths.
Our brain loves to know what to do.
So if we tell him ahead, he will try his best not to disappoint.
If it's x am/pm then …
If (obstacle) then …
If I feel (emotion) then …
If I'm alone, I do my language-learning training. (Instead of watching TV, Eating…)
What counts is the habit hidden behind the habit, not the final habit we aim for.
What prevents us from making new habits?
Environment (the Srroundings) is a big one.
Example, we're very excited about the content we just absorbed. We want to share it with our family, our friends. And very often, their reaction or indifference/lack of interest can kill our enthusiasm. (self-help in shit, they're all guru after money, it's a sect).
So your motivation might go from 8/10 down to 5/10 just because your environment is not receptive, not willing to considerate, not have the same interests.
It's the sniper effect: you have a small red light on you, and people shoot at you from distance. Don't be touched/affected.
Those snipper people are many and everywhere.
People often don't realize they're responsible for their environment. You can take charge of your environment.
It's not something we like to face. What to do with it, for exemple we have our parents. They are like they are. We cannot change them.
You don't necessarly need to get rid of them. But you can adjust with slights variations: + or -
You reduce the time you spend with the person that drags you down for example.
This means loving yourself ultimately.
Some relations might need to be cut. If not, there will be a price to pay.
People are obsessed with the price.
"Netflix is only $10 a month."
Ok, but what is the price you pay?
Netflix is 27 hours per week, 52 weeks a year. 60 days a year. That's what you pay.
You may see that person that you cannot leave once a week instead of five. Or you will pay a price for it.
Do you want to protect your energy, your self-esteem. Do you choose yourself?
Some people just don't want to grow up.
They're stuck in their level of awareness.
But does it means you have to take their suffering with you?
We can still have compassion for them, be sympathetic and concerned for their suffering.
Some people just don't have the same values with you. Or don't even know what their values are. What values they live by.
Why should your values that I don't accept shoud become my reality?
It may seems harsh to say it, but can do more good than bad in the long run:
If you have a family member that belittle you, and make you feel unimportant, why should you stay with them?
"The last couple of times we were together, my motivation dropped down. Could we reduce the time we spend together?"
"I love you but I didn't feel a great energy with you recently. I prefer to take my distance. Nothing personal here. When we're together, I don't accept this to happen."
After saying that, many of my friends replied: "You're right actually. Thanks for being honnest". They get more vigilant, more careful, because they know I won't accept bad behavior. I'd tell them I don't tolerate this in any of my close relationship.
People won't take the liberty do pollute you. People test you like children do, continuously. They know what they can or can't say/do with you.
You set the limits.
Better to define oneself, set clear limits, rather than to be continuously on the defense/rather than to be in a defensive role.
I can define what I want around me. I can define what my relationship with people are about.
My mum used to always say "Yes but…" and I had to limit my relationship when building my company.
I called her less often. Does it mean I don't love her? No. I decided to choose myself.
It doesn't mean it's forever.
For the moment, I'm protecting my energy, my values.
Then, When I'll be stronger I can go back to a healthier relation with my mum.
The thing is there are key moments where you need to be aware of what you need the most.
So environment is a big one.
Self-talk also is another big one.
Change your story. The story you're telling to yourself. If you want to change the trajectory.
Example: you set your goal to become rich, and at the same time, you keep thinking "In my family, we've always been poor."
"Everyone in my family is obese."
"Physical exercices has never been for me"
This is a story you're planting in your psychology.
Whatever your goal, as soon as you start, your personal story will come back and do its silent self-sabotage.
Be vigilant with your story.
Old me / new me:
A very simple technique that helped me tremendously.
Say: "The old me was saying… we're all broke in my family. But the new me knows it's my responsability and that I can become this rich man."
Be attentive during the day, and if it doesn't match the person you want to become, Understand it was the old you. You story is the trajectory for your new me.
Very often people would make progress for 1 week, 1 months. sticking with better habits.
Then all of a sudden, one chocolate cake, one bottle of wine. The next day, they order a pizza, a soda. Feeling lost for lost. Doing all the oppostie day after day after the first day they failed.
Until we feel so bad again that we start again sticking with better habits. But then we have to start all again from scatch.
That's why we end-up average.
What you should do is accept it was a bad day. It's ok even for a few days, but then take your shoes and go running.
What can work is "just for today", or "just for the next hour". Don't missbehave. Don't succumb to the temptation. Resist the pressure for this short moment.
Concetp of the "epic day":
Think about what's your best day, from morning to night.
What is it that at the end of the day, you feel like this was totally awesome. An excpetional day.
Does it incluedes spending time with a friend? L:stening to music? A calm moment with yourself?
We can build this.
Just thinking about the ingredients we need to put in our day to make it awesome.
In my daily journal, I can check this day with a big A+.
Think high level, take a step back. See yourself with perspective as a merely human being in this era. Do my compass oscillate in the right direction, do I contribute.
Am I absent or present to my children? Am I a good listener or a bad one?
Exemple: My kids come back from school at 3pm. For years they saw their father on the computer or on the phone, telling them "Hi, how was your day. love you, hugs."
The thing is that I know they will come home at 3pm (so I can plan ahead).
With doing this "epic day" exercice, I realized how much of an imbecile I was. One of my core value is to be present. To have a high quality of presence and listening to people.
Now in my calendar, I block all my 3pm schedule. I close everything before my kids arrive. I hug them for real. Somwtimes in may take 10 seconds. They might just say "I go playing with my friend". And it makes all the difference. I don't feel bad about it. I have been present. I deliberatly acted upon what's important for me.
There might be some exceptions, some emergencies.
But then, I don't blame myself, I just get on track again, following that compass pointing in the right direction.
"What I will do today needs to be important. Because I will give one day of my life for it."
I got this message from a boy with a terminal cancer. It inspires me so much that I wrote a book and gave the prodits to help his illness.
If you have decided to give importance to your day. Then what do you put in it?
Is it Netflix - social network - tv - junk food - arguing ?
- Whatever matters most in your life, success is one good thought after another, one good decision after another, one right action after another; And it needs to be applied in the long run.
- Habits are those small thoughts, decisions and actions. What our moment-to-moment is made of through the day.
- To have goals without habits carrying them is like a one leg chair. It's unstable, uncomfortable, and useless.
- People want to have success but don't think about setting the right habits
- It's harder to maintain success than to reach success (The law of use: what you don't use will gradually decay)
- You have to start. Or you will stay in your comfort zone and start to compare, envy, develop harmful thoughts, get stuck.
- People get to a different destination they wanted because their goal was not supported by the right habits.
- Step back and observe yourself. Be honest: are you goals within or out of reach?
- Be humble, don't lie to yourself: how can you change your habits?
- If you don't observe yourself and build the right habits, you can spend decades on the Self-Help treadmill and stay at the same place.
- Setting the rights habits 1/make you proud of yourself 2/ inspire your surroundings 3/ Make you more humble seeing so much room for improvement
- People don't look at what they're not doing right. But if you would make the time and space to reflect on it, that could propel your success.
- Your self-esteem is how worthy you think your habits are
- The gap between were you stand and where you wanna be provoke self-sabotage. Instead of encouraging yourself for every small details done right, you're planting the seeds of giving up, saying "it's nothing"
- Micro habits (hidden inner habits) that trigger the right habit are unknown from most people, and are actually the key to stick with the right habits
- How could you aim at a goal you didn't even defined?
- Our society mislead us in believing in short-term and superficial success.
- Having desired and goals is good. Just remember what it takes.
- The problem is we don't think with what really matters to us
- Following what others do or eat is easier than to figure it out by yourself. You need to build trust with yourself.
- Being specific on why you fell short in the past is as important as being specific with goals
- Practice the "contrast game" to bring lucidity. I will strengthen your commitment and your call to action.
- Play the "If… Then…" programming game: Predict and plan an action for each case
- One key to success is agility, our capacity to adapt.
- It's a great lesson not to be fooled by the simplicity of an effective technique.
- The excitement you want to share might go from 9/10 to 5/10 because of your environment.
- Snipper effect: People shoot at your red spot. Don't let your motivation get affected by them.
- People don't realize they're responsible for their environment
- Some relationships may need to be lessen or cut. If not, there will be a price to pay
- Netflix is only $10/month. But it's 27 hours/week. 60 hours/year.
- Do you choose yourself? Do you want to protect your energy, your self-esteem?
- People are stuck in their level of awareness.
- Some people just don't have the same values with you; if ever they know what their values are.
- Why should your values that I don't accept, should become my reality?
- After telling the hard truth to take some distance I got many "You're right actually. Thanks for being honest."
- Better to define yourself than to defend yourself.
- There are key moments where you need to be aware of what you need the most
- Environment is a big one. Self-talk is another big one.
- The story you're telling yourself is defining your trajectory
- Whatever your goal, your story will silently do its self-sabotage
- Be vigilant with your story
- Hunt for "The old me used to say/do X - but the new me…" as it happens through your day
- People stick with a good habit for 1 month, take a bad turn, forget their habit until they feel bad again, start all over. The result is average.
- "Epic day" game: Think about your best day, from morning to night.
- Today I give one day of my life, so I have to make it important