How much do I want to read more? 8/10

I didn't expected such a straight talk. It strikes straight in the bull's eye. The person you will spend your days with can either be a burden or a joy for the remaining of your days. Is this an important matter enough that is worth your attention ?

As a personal note, I had the privilege to have truly wonderful relationships, with my father, my brother, my sister, and friends. Somehow I can't say so with my wife with whom I share my life. And somehow, I feel responsible, and I'm looking for the switch to change. As I grew up, something changed not in a good way. I just don't know how to change back and see the world as a wonderful as before.
This kind of book helps me to reflect on that. Awareness is the first step for transformation, as they say.


“Let me be honest with you. My marriage has constituted the biggest cross of my life.”
his marriage is acting like dead weight.
he walks his journey with a rock in his shoe that hurts him every step of the way.

Another says: “Next to Jesus, my husband has been the greatest joy in my life. I can’t even imagine where I’d be without him or how I would have faced all that I have without him by my side.”

One person is crying tears of pain, working as hard as he can. but his relationship is compared to a cross. It saps his strength.
The other weeps because she is grateful for a man who loves her so well, so wonderfully, that she can’t imagine life without him.

Ten years after you’re married, what kind of tears will you be crying?
some marriages build each partner up, while others tear each partner down.
some marriages sap the spouses’ strength, while others generate joy and enthusiasm and intimacy.

It's more about why you get married than by who you marry.
settling the “why” question first will set you up to make a wise choice about the “who.”
Why do you want to get married? That’s what you need to ask before you decide who to marry.

Once you get married, every evening, every weekend, every holiday, every morning will be marked, for good or for ill, by that relationship.

The person you marry is the last person you’ll see every night before you go to sleep. Their face is the first one you will see when you wake up in the morning.
Their words will encourage or discourage you, their humor will make you laugh in amusement or cry in shame.
Their body will pleasure you or threaten you.
Their hands will hold you or hurt you. Their presence will be a healing balm or a reminder of all that could have been.

I want you to have moments like that—where, even when you’re apart, you wish you could be together. I don’t want you to be like so many couples I talk to whose fantasy is watching their spouses walk away.


I’ve witnessed how miserable people can make each other when they live for themselves.

The trick is to build a life together with purpose. That establishes a connection that keeps you caring about each other for the next fifty to sixty years.

you can be enthralled for a few years, but if you're selfish, no matter how rich or good-looking both are, you eventually get bored with each other, and the very relationship that once gave them security and life feels like prison and death.
No matter how intensely you feel in love now, the same thing will happen to you if you get married without a shared mission.

I want you to have a spiritually enriching marriage, a marriage that spawns life, vibrancy, intimacy, a lifetime of memories with your best friend, and the overwhelming joy of creating a family together.
intimate marriage is such an amazing gift.
The friendship that results from facing all seasons of life together, praying together, raising kids together, having sex, suffering heartaches and heartbreaks, overcoming setbacks and learning to deal with disappointments, growing together through all of them, creates a bond that no initial sexual attraction or romantic infatuation could ever hope to match.

The reward for making a wise marital choice is so tremendous.
The consequences of making a foolish choice can be so painful and lasting that I don’t want you to have to endure them.

Do I want to be in a marriage that lifts me up, or one that drags me down?


  1. Describe a marriage you respect: what is it about the couple that makes you admire their relationship?
  2. Ten years after you’re married, how do you hope someone will describe your marriage relationship? Write out the “ideal” description of the relationship you hope to have.
  3. Describe some of the marriages you’ve seen that you definitely do not want to model your own marriage on. What attributes of those relationships do you hope to avoid?
  4. Have you ever asked yourself the question, “Why do I want to get married?” Why do you want to get married?