How much do I want to read more? 6/10

What a weird book. Poesy, sensibility, femininity, autobiography, trauma, love…
it's an easy / fast read.
It's like a flagrance giving you a sense of a flower.
Insights of the joy and stuggles of a complex life.

the arms
that hold me

The hurting

i’ve had sex she said
but i don’t know
what making love
feels like

if i knew what
safety looked like
i would have spent
less time falling into
arms that were not

trying to convince myself
i am allowed
to take up space
is like writing with
my left hand
when i was born
to use my right

you plough into me with two fingers and i am mostly shocked. it feels like rubber against an open wound. i do not like it. you begin pushing faster and faster. but i feel nothing. you search my face for a reaction so i begin acting like the naked women in the videos you watch when you think no one’s looking. i imitate their moans. hollow and hungry. you ask if it feels good and i say yes so quickly it sounds rehearsed. but the acting. you do not notice.

i flinch when you touch me
i fear it is him

The loving

My father said the closest thing to god on this earth
is a woman’s body it’s where life comes from
and to have a grown man tell me something
so powerful at such a young age
changed me to see the entire universe.

i’ve seen you in my mother’s eyes
when she tells me to marry the type
of man i’d want to raise my son to be like

i am learning
how to love him
by loving myself

the very thought of you
has my legs spread apart
like an easel with a canvas
begging for art

you’ve touched me
without even
touching me