How much do I want to read more? 9/10

This experience to give from the heart is one of the best I ever experienced and I wish I can connect with it more often.
I believe in the power of listening attentively, and being considerate to the other person.
May this book help me to reconnect with the author's values


What People Are Saying About Nonviolent Communication

Relationships

Marshall Rosenberg’s dynamic communication techniques transform potential conflicts into peaceful dialogues.

—- JOHN GRAY, author, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus


“Nonviolent Communication can change the world. More importantly, it can change your life. I cannot recommend it highly enough.”

—- JACK CANFIELD, author, Chicken Soup for the Soul Series


“Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective tools to foster health and relationships. Nonviolent Communication connects soul to soul, creating a lot of healing. It is the missing element in what we do.”

—- DEEPAK CHOPRA, author, How to Know God and Ageless Body and Timeless Mind


“If you want to be heard, and to hear what your loved ones are truly saying behind what there saying, read this book! It will change your life.”

—- An online reviewer


“Rosenberg has developed a simple method of communicating that helps to avoid triggering a defensive reaction, and instead stimulate understanding and agreement. It is invaluable in all your relationships, and definitely should be required reading for everyone.”

—- An online reviewer


Conflict Transformation:

“Nonviolent Communication is one of the most useful processes you will ever learn.”

—- WILLIAM URY, coauthor, Getting to Yes


“In this book, you will find an amazingly effective language for saying what’s on your mind and in your heart. Like so many essential and elegant systems, it’s simple on the surface, challenging to use in the heat of the moment and powerful in its results.”

—- VICKI ROBIN, coauthor, Your Money or Your Life


“Like Noam Chomsky, Rosenberg’s work is intrinsically radical, it subverts our whole status-quo system of power: between children and adults, the sane and the psychotic, the criminal and the law. Rosenberg’s distinction between punitive and protective force should be required reading for anyone making foreign policy or policing our streets.”

—- D. KILLIAN, reporter, On The Front Line, Cleveland Free Times


“Rosenberg describes how, in numerous conflicts, once ‘enemies’ have been able to hear each other’s needs, they are able to connect compassionately and find new solutions to previously ‘impossible’ impasses. If you want to learn ways of more skillful speech I highly recommend this clear, easy-to-read book.”

—- DIANA LION, Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Turning Wheel Magazine


“A simple communication process that eliminates the competitive, adversarial, and violence provocative style of communication that has infected most of our lives. This is not about the meek inheriting the world or being nice docile cogs in our power-over, hierarchical system. It is about the ‘protective use of force,’ vulnerability, heart-to-heart dialogue, and getting our needs meet in a way we will less likely regret.”

—- An online reviewer


“I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book on communication. Amazingly easy to read, great examples, and challenging to put into practice—this book is a true gift to all of us.”

—- A reader in Washington


Personal Growth:

“Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a great book teaching a compassionate way to talk to people—even if you (or they) are angry.”

—- JOE VITALE, author, Spiritual Marketing, The Power of Outrageous Marketin


“Changing the way the world has worked for 5,000 years sounds daunting, but Nonviolent Communication helps liberate us from ancient patterns of violence.”

—- FRANCIS LEFKOWITZ, reporter, Body & Soul


“A revolutionary way of looking at language. If enough people actually make use of the material in Nonviolent Communication we may soon live in a more peaceful and compassionate world.”

—- WES TAYLOR, Progressive Health


“The single toughest, most dangerous opponent I’d ever faced—the one that truly hurt me the most, causing me to spend 30 years of my life behind bars—was my own anger and fear. I write these words now, a gray-haired old man, hoping to God—before you suffer what I’ve suffered—that it will cause you to listen and learn Nonviolent Communication. It will teach you how to recognize anger before it becomes violence, and how to understand, deal with, and take control of the rage you may feel.”

—- A prisoner writing to fellow inmates


“This is the most concise, most clearly written manual on interpersonal communication I’ve ever come across. I’ve been challenged by this book to be the change I want to see in my world.”

—- An online reviewer


“Literally, anyone who speaks could benefit from reading this book! It helps us to realize not only the power of words, but how to choose our words better and ultimately enhance both communication and relationships! Highly recommended!”

—- An online reviewer


“By taking a step back from daily frustrations, disappointments, and stressors, and re-examining the purpose of my own and others’ needs, this book has helped me listen more deeply, act more genuinely, and find acceptance in difficult situations. Well done!”

—- An online reviewer


“I am one of those people who is highly critical of myself. This book is teaching me to love myself so I can truly care for others. It can pave the way for peace between people, different ethnic groups, countries, etc., and I believe our world really needs this.”

—- An online reviewer


Parenting and Family Communication

“This book is essential reading for anyone seeking to end the unfulfilling cycles of argument in their relationship, and for parents who wish to influence their children’s’ behavior by engendering compassion rather than simply achieving obedience.”

—- An online reviewer


“In addition to saving our marriage, Nonviolent Communication is helping us repair our relationships with our grown children and to relate more deeply with our parents and siblings. If angels do manifest in physical form here on this earth, then Marshall Rosenberg must be one.”

—- A reader in Arizona


“My relationship with my husband, which was good already, has become even better. I’ve taught NVC to many parents who have since gained a deeper understanding of their children, thus enhancing their relationship and decreasing tension and conflict.”

—- A reader in Illinois


“Nonviolent Communication allowed me to overcome my toxic conditioning and find the loving parent and person that was locked inside. Dr. Rosenberg has created a way to transform the violence in the world.”

—- A nurse in California


“Using Nonviolent Communication was vital to healing my relationship with my sister; and for me, it serves as a guide for applying Buddhist practice to communication.”

—- JANE LAZAR, Zen Student in Residence / NVC Trainer


“What began as a search for a better discipline system for our six-year-old has turned out to be a philosophical approach and communication tool that is transforming how we relate to each other and ourselves.”

—- An online reviewer


Spirituality

“In my estimation, Nonviolent Communication is as radical and change-making as the Eight-Fold Path. I predict that active use of NVC in our sanghas would significantly cut through frustrations and growing pains.”

—- JOAN STARR WARD, member, Spirit Rock Center, California, and the Buddhist Peace Fellowship


“Buddhism and Nonviolent Communication are rooms in the same house. I strongly recommend NVC as a highly effective practice for developing clarity and genuine compassion.”

—- LEWIS RHAMES, Vipassana Insight Meditation, Minimal Security Unit, Monroe Correctional Complex


“NVC is the language of enlightenment. So simple yet so difficult. Using NVC can change your life, bring clarity to your thinking, and transform relationships.”

—- An online reviewer


Education

“Marshall’s strategies for active listening really work. I teach middle school, and it has worked both at work and with my family. A good step along the way to transformation.”

—- An online reviewer


“Through compelling, real life examples, Rosenberg brings the NVC process to life. My college students, especially the older ones, share with me that reading this book has changed their life. Trying to practice the steps myself in daily interactions, at meetings, and in the classroom, has also had a powerful effect on me.”

—- An online reviewer


Professional Therapy and Mediation

“The quality of empathy I now am able to provide has enlivened my therapy practice. This book gives me hope that I can contribute to the well being of my clients, and also connect deeply with my friends and family. The step-by-step empathy skills in this book are learnable by anyone.”

—- An online reviewer


“As a therapist, I have found this book to be helpful to clients with anger management difficulties, and problems with conflict in relationships because it promotes self-awareness and self-acceptance. NVC takes practice, but once you understand and internalize the general attitude promoted in this book, it sticks. And then it seeps into your life like a soothing balm.”

—- An online reviewer


“I have never read a clearer, more straightforward, insightful book on communication. After studying and teaching assertiveness since the 70s, this book is a breath of fresh air. Rosenberg adds the brilliant insight into the linkage of feelings and needs and taking responsibility and creates a true tool.”

—- An online reviewer


Business

The principles of Nonviolent Communication taught by Dr. Rosenberg are instrumental in creating an extraordinary and fulfilling quality of life. His compassionate and inspiring message cuts right to the heart of successful communication, his heartfelt message and genuine love for human kind is inspiring, and his strategies hold the power, not only change lives, but to transform your world.

-- U


“Dr. Rosenberg has brought the simplicity of successful communication into the foreground. No matter what issue you’re facing, his strategies for communicating with others will set you up to win every time.”

—- TONY ROBBINS, author, Awaken the Giant Within and Unlimited Power


“I got to this book thanks to a recommendation by Satya Nadella (CEO of Microsoft). The book presents a simple technique and examples to empathize and connect with people’s feelings. Instead of judging people by the message, the book helps you understand the needs behind and what feelings and emotions are driving them. Highly recommended.”

—- An online reviewer


The extraordinary language of Nonviolent Communication is changing how parents relate to children, teachers to students, and how we all relate to each other and even to ourselves. It is precise, disciplined, and enormously compassionate. Most important, once we study NVC, we can’t ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any relationship— if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy.”

-- ERNIE GLASSMAN


Foreword - Deepak Chopra

No one deserves our gratitude more than the late Marshall Rosenberg, who lived his life just as the title of one of his books states: Speak Peace in a World of Conflict.
He was keenly aware of the maxim that’s contained in the subtitle of that book: What You Say Next Will Change Your World.
Personal reality always contains a story, and the story we live, beginning from infancy, is based on language. This became the foundation of Marshall’s approach to conflict resolution, getting people to exchange words in a way that excludes judgments, blame, and violence.

Each face, each shout, each gesture has a history. Everyone clings to their history, because it anchors their identity.
Marshall is advocating a new identity. “We’re trying to live a different value system while we are asking for things to change.”

conflicts are resolved without the usual frustrating compromises. Instead, the contending parties approach each other with respect. They ask about each other’s needs, and in an atmosphere free of passions and prejudices, they reach a connection.

we are not our stories. These stories are self-created fictions that remain intact through habit, group coercion, old conditioning, and lack of self-awareness.

In any conflict, he didn’t choose sides or even care primarily what their stories were. Recognizing that all stories lead to conflict, either overtly or covertly, he focused on connections as a psychological bridge.
It’s not what you do that counts, it’s the quality of your attention.

Aggression is built into the ego system, which totally focuses on “I, me, and mine”.
The only way to resolve all violence is to give up your story. No one can be enlightened who still has a personal stake in the world.
this seems like a teaching as radical as Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount when he promises that the meek shall inherit the earth.

the point isn’t to change your actions but to change your consciousness.
To do that, you must walk a path from A to B, where A is a life based on the incessant demands of the ego and B is selfless awareness.

To be frank, nobody really desires selfless awareness; from the viewpoint of looking out for number one, it sounds at once scary and impossible. What’s the payoff if you depose the ego?
The answer lies in those moments when the personal self falls away naturally and spontaneously. These occur in moments of meditation or simply deep contentment. Selfless awareness is the state we’re in when Nature or art or music creates a sense of wonder.
It reveals that stories and the egos that fuel them are illusions, self-created models for survival and selfishness.
The payoff for Ahimsa isn’t that you upgrade the illusion, which is what the ego is always striving to do with more money, possessions, and power. The payoff is that you get to be who you really are.

For me, the legacy of Marshall’s lifelong work doesn’t lie in how he revolutionized the role of the mediator, valuable as that was. It lies in the new value system he lived by, which in truth is quite ancient. Ahimsa has to be revived in every generation, because human nature is torn between peace and violence.
Marshall Rosenberg gave proof that entering this state of expanded awareness was real and, when it came to settling disputes, very practical. He leaves footprints that the rest of us can follow. If we have true self-interest at heart, we will follow. It’s the only alternative in a world desperately seeking wisdom and the end of strife.

Words Are Windows (or They’re Walls)

I feel so sentenced by your words,
I feel so judged and sent away,
Before I go I’ve got to know,
Is that what you mean to say?
Before I rise to my defense,
Before I speak in hurt or fear,
Before I build that wall of words,
Tell me, did I really hear?
Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.
There are things I need to say,
Things that mean so much to me,
If my words don’t make me clear,
Will you help me to be free?
If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words,
To the feelings that we share.

-- Ruth Bebermeyer


Chapter One - Giving from the Heart

What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.

-- Marshall Rosenberg

Introduction

Believing that it is our nature to enjoy giving and receiving in a compassionate manner, I have been preoccupied most of my life with two questions: What happens to disconnect us from our compassionate nature, leading us to behave violently and exploitatively? And conversely, what allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?

approach to communicating—both speaking and listening—that leads us to give from the heart, connecting us with ourselves and with each other in a way that allows our natural compassion to flourish.

NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others.
Instead of habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. with honesty and clarity, respectful and empathic attention. In any exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others.

When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.
NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.

On a deeper level, it is an ongoing reminder to keep our attention focused on a place where we are more likely to get what we are seeking.

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want.
NVC train my attention to shine the light of consciousness- on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking.
What I want in my life is compassion, a flow between myself and others based on a mutual giving from the heart.


"Given To" (1978) by Ruth Bebermeyer

I never feel more given to
than when you take from me-
when you understand the joy I feel giving to you.
And you know my giving isn't done to put you in my debt
but because l want to live the love I feel for you.
To receive with grace
may be the greatest giving.
There's no way I can separate the two.
When you give to me,
I give you my receiving.
When you take from me, I feel so given to.


When we give from the heart, we do so out of the joy that springs forth whenever we willingly enrich another person’s life. This kind of giving benefits both the giver and the receiver.

The NVC Process