before you start choosing a person, moving into a relationship, try to learn to be happy alone, otherwise you will choose a wrong person.

So be here… start meditating. Whenever you feel sad, sit silently and allow sadness to come; don’t try to escape from it.
Cry, weep… have the whole taste of it. Cry to death… fall down on the earth… roll – and let it go by itself. Don’t force it to go; it will go, because nobody can remain in a permanent mood.
The ordinary tendency is not to allow it, to go to the restaurant, to the swimming pool, meet friends, read a book or go to a movie.
when you are feeling sad, don’t lose the opportunity. Go deep into it… sink into it. Allow every sad thought to penetrate you, every sad emotion to stir you.

the mind can only move with the help of the body. They are not two; the mechanism is one.
If the body is completely still, absolutely still, the mind simply disappears. The mind cannot be – it needs a corresponding tense state in the body.

the very desire is the barrier. The desire to be desireless is the barrier.
If you can simply sit without any desiring, without asking for anything, it is tremendously beautiful. The desire makes everything ugly.
Desire is a projection of the ego, so when you cut out the desires, the ego drops.

Chapter 18

Always meet a person as if this is the first time that you are meeting. And always meet a person as if this is the last time you will be meeting – and this is how it is. Then this small moment of meeting can become a tremendous fulfillment.

A relationship is not creative; it is a multiplier. It never creates anything in the first place. It is like a mirror: if there is something to be reflected, the mirror reflects. If there is nothing to reflect, the mirror cannot create anything; it is passive.

It is impossible to live alone. A happy person has to share.

Sympathy means ’You are miserable, and I would like to help you. I remain outside. I give you my hand. I am not affected by you. In fact deep down I enjoy it. I relish it that one person is giving me the opportunity to feel so high’. This is violent.

Empathy is totally different. Empathy means !I feel just as you are feeling. If you are miserable, I feel your misery. It touches me… it affects me. Not as an outsider but as if I am part of your being’.

A good relationship is a sharing; there is no dependence. Both partners remain totally free and independent. Nobody possesses – there is no need. It is a free gift… I have so much, so I give it to you. There is no need – I can be alone and perfectly happy.

Real growth is possible when you are divinely contented and divinely discontented together. You are happy, whatsoever you have got, you are grateful, whatsoever you have got, but you know much more is possible, and you go on praying for it. You are happy… you go on being thankful for it. Whatsoever has happened, has happened without your earning it. It is a gift, a grace, so one is never complaining. One is not saying, ’I don’t have what I need.’ And more is always available. One feels thankful. With the past one is completely satisfied. With the present one feels absolutely thankful and grateful… but one is not dead.

This I call the meeting of being and becoming. At the same time, in the same moment, one is tremendously contented, and one is also tremendously discontented. This is the dynamism of life.

So the East became dead, and the West is becoming mad. Being alone makes one dead… becoming alone makes one mad. And there is a subtle balance between the two.

When you are neither dead nor mad, you are alive, tremendously happy, tremendously contented, and yet waiting for the unknown… always waiting, hopeful. Much is going to happen – so much has already happened. And every time something has happened, it has opened another door. These two things have to be remembered.
And this I call the meeting of East and West – the meeting of being and becoming.

Start talking to your mind as if it is a separate person. It is. It is a mechanism. Give it a name, talk to it, so a separation grows. By and by you will start functioning completely separately.