You can go on thinking about life and death, and you can go on creating many theories and hypotheses, but the whole of philosophy is just rubbish. Life remains unanswered, death remains unanswered. At that moment, Stein was asking about life and death; about that which is life, about that which is also death – about the ultimate, the substratum, the very ground of your being. She was asking: Who am I? But philosophy has no answers. Philosophy has been trying to answer; centuries of thinking, speculation, but the whole effort is empty.
Life is existential. Only an existential answer can satisfy you, not an answer given by somebody else; not an answer fabricated, manufactured by the mind; not an answer borrowed from the scriptures, but an answer that arises in your being – flowers, blooms, brings your total destiny into a manifest state, makes you fully aware. It is going to be a realization; not an answer but a realization, not an answer but a revelation, not an answer but an experience – existential.
This is the whole story of the ten bulls. The search is existential. Zen is the most straightforward. It goes directly to the target. It never goes here and there; it is never about and about. It is not beating around the bush; it is straight like an arrow.
That the world is is the real mystery. Not how you are here, not how you came here, not the purpose of your being here, but just the fact that you are here is the greatest mystery. Just the fact that you are, that I am, is the greatest mystery. And when the answer cannot be put into words, neither can the question.
This is a tremendous insight. The problem does not exist – it is created by the mind; it is a mind-creation. If a question can be framed at all, it is also possible to answer it.
The moment you understand, then whatsoever I am saying also is nonsensical. If you don’t understand, then it looks meaningful. All meaning is because of misunderstanding. If you understand, then all meaning disappears; only life is. Meaning is of the mind, a projection of the mind, interpretation of the mind. Then, a rose is a rose is a rose – not even these words exist. Just the rose – just the rose without any name, without any adjective to it, without any definition to it. Life just is – suddenly without any meaning, without any purpose. And that is the greatest mystery to realize.
So meaning is not the real search. The real search is to come upon life itself – raw, naked.
All questions are foolish in a way and all answers also. All questions are foolish in a way because they are all mind-created, and the mind is the barrier between you and the real. The mind goes on creating questions, it delays the search.
It is neither a question nor an answer – it is a revelation. When the mind is not, life is revealed to you. It is simply there, manifested in all its glory, available in its totality.
Man goes on asking questions, and it appears to him that this questioning is somehow a great search. It is not. All questions, all answers – all are games, all games. You can play if you like, but nothing is going to be solved through them. And people go on asking to the very end of their lives.
Even at the moment of death, you will be straightening your tie because your picture is being taken. Man remains interested in mirrors. Man remains interested in what others are thinking about him, what others are saying about him. Man goes on just creating a beautiful image of himself. That is your whole life effort. One day you will disappear, and your image will fall into dust. Dust unto dust, nothing remains.
Be aware. Don’t be too interested in the image. Be interested in the real, and the real is within you – it is your energy. It has nothing to do with anybody else. No mirror is needed for self-knowledge because self-knowledge is not a reflection. Self-knowledge is a direct, immediate encounter; you come face-to-face with your own being.
Once you have become master of your mind, the mind is transcended. The moment you have become master of your mind, the mind is no longer there. It remains only if you are a slave to it. Once you have taken hold of the bull and you are riding on it, the bull disappears. The bull exists as separate from you only if you are not the master. This has to be understood.
You remain divided if you are not the master, you remain schizophrenic, fragmented. Once mastery arises in you, once awareness and discipline – the whip and the rope – are there, divisions dissolve, you become one. In that oneness, the bull is transcended.
Then you don’t see yourself as separate from your mind. Then you don’t see yourself as separate from your body. Then you don’t see yourself as separate from the whole. You become one.
All masters are one with existence; only slaves are separate. Separation is an illness. In health, you are not separate from the whole – you become one with it.
Just try to understand it. When you have a headache, your head is separate from you. Have you noticed it? When the headache goes on hammering inside, knocking inside, your head is separate from you. But when the headache disappears, the head also disappears; then you can’t feel it, then it is no longer separate, then it has become part of your being.
If your body is perfectly healthy, then you don’t have any body sense – as if you are bodiless. Bodilessness is the definition of perfect health. If something hurts, immediately you become aware of it – and in that awareness is separation. A thorn is in your foot, or your shoe pinches, then a division is there. When the shoe fits perfectly, the division is transcended.
You are aware of the mind because somehow your life is not in harmony – some discordance, something out of tune, out of accord. Something out of step is going on within you, hence you feel divided. When everything falls in tune and in harmony, all divisions are transcended.
float with the river, let go, and by and by you will see that the river is not fighting with you. In fact, the river was not fighting with you at all; even when you were going upstream, the river was not fighting with you. It was only you who was fighting, who was being egoistic, who was trying to win, to be victorious, who was trying to prove something, that “I am somebody.” That idea of being somebody was creating the whole problem.
Only your attitude has changed, and you feel that the river has changed completely. The river has always been the same; now you are riding on the river. If you can float totally, not even a slight effort to swim, just floating, then your body and the river’s body merge. Then you are not aware where your body ends and where the river’s body begins. Then you are in an organic unity with the river. Then you will feel an orgasmic experience. Being one with the river, suddenly all limitations are transcended. You are no longer small, you are no longer big – you are the whole.
And that is the way to reach home – because home is the origin, the very source where you came from; home is not somewhere else. Home is where you come from, where you have arisen from. Home is the source. If one allows oneself to be in a deep let-go, one reaches home. “Home” means one reaches the very source of life and being, one touches the very beginning.
You cannot be serene in any other way. The only way to be serene is not to be. The only way to be serene is to be in a deep let-go, surrendered, one with the energy of life.
Not only can you rest; the bull can also. Not only can you rest, but the river can also. When the conflict continues, neither you nor God can rest. Remember this – this is something very valuable to remember always – if you are not serene, God cannot be serene; if you are not happy, God cannot be happy; if you are not blissful, God cannot be blissful because you are part of him, part of the whole. You affect him as much as he affects you.
Life is interrelated. Everything is interrelated with everything else. It is an ecology, a deeply interrelated co-relationship. Coherence exists. If you are not happy, then God cannot be happy because you are a part. It is just as if my leg is not happy, how can I be happy? That unhappiness affects me.
Now there is no need for the whip and the rope. The whip means awareness and the rope means discipline. When you have come to a point where you can feel yourself one with the river of life, then there is no need for awareness or discipline. Then there is no need to meditate. Then there is no need to do anything. Then life does it for you. Then one can relax because one can trust totally. Then there is no need even for awareness, remember.
A Zen story:
A very rich woman served a monk for thirty years. The monk was really beautiful, always aware, disciplined. He had a beauty that comes naturally when your life is ordered – a cleanness, a freshness. The woman was dying, she was very old. She called a prostitute from the town and asked the prostitute, “Before I leave my body I would like to know one thing – whether this man I have been serving for thirty years has yet attained or not.” The suspicion was natural because the man had not yet abandoned the whip and the rope.
The prostitute asked, “What am I supposed to do?”
The woman said, “I will give you as much money as you want. You go in the middle of the night. He will be meditating because he meditates in the middle of the night. The door is never locked because he has nothing which can be stolen. So open the door, and watch his reaction. Open the door, come close, embrace him, and then come back and just tell me what happened. Before I die, I would like to know whether I have been serving a real master or just an ordinary, mediocre being.”
The prostitute went. She opened the door. A small lamp was burning; the man was meditating. He opened his eyes. Seeing the prostitute, recognizing the prostitute, he became afraid, a slight trembling, and he said, “What! Why have you come here?” And when the woman tried to embrace him, he tried to escape. He was trembling and furious.
The woman came back and told the old lady what had happened. The old lady ordered her servants to burn the cottage that she had made for this man, and be finished with him. He had not reached anywhere. The old woman said, “At least he could have been a little kind, compassionate.”
The fear shows the whip had not yet been abandoned. The anger shows awareness was still an effort, it had not become natural, it had not become spontaneous.
The moment the mind disappears, you also disappear – because you exist in the struggle. The ego exists in the tension. For the ego, a duality is needed. It cannot exist with a non-dual reality. So just notice: whenever you are fighting, your ego becomes very sharp. Watch yourself for twenty-four hours and you will see many peaks and many valleys of your ego, and many times you will feel that it is not there. If you are not fighting with anything, it is not there. It depends on a fight.
Hence people go on finding ways and means and excuses to fight because without the fight they simply start disappearing. It needs constant creation, just like one pedals a bicycle. You have to go on pedaling; only then does the bicycle keep going. Once you stop pedaling, sooner or later the bicycle is going to fall down. It is a miracle: on just two wheels, against gravity, you go on riding. But constant pedaling is needed.
The ego is a miracle: the most illusory thing and it seems to be the most solid and real. People live for it and die for it. But it needs constant pedaling – that pedaling is your fight. Hence, you cannot live without fight. You will find some way or other.
I was just reading the other day about a man who never had a fight with his wife, and the neighbors wondered what type of man he was. He would come home from his factory always laughing and happy, never tired, never tense. Even his wife sometimes wondered: He never fights, never is angry. What is the matter?
Then the whole neighborhood gathered and inquired, and the man said, “There is nothing much in it. In the factory…” He worked in a glass factory where, whenever something did not come up to standard, it was given to him and he smashed it – that was his job. Saucers, cups, glasses – the whole day he smashed them. He said, “I feel so happy, there is no need to fight with anybody. It is already too much! I feel on top of the world.”
Woodchoppers, woodcutters, are very silent people. Their psychology is different: the whole day chopping wood, their anger is thrown out.
Hunters are very loving people also; their whole work is violence, but they are very loving people – you will not find better people than hunters. They don’t need to bring their ego against you; they have had enough of it with the animals.
If you go to prisons and see the criminals there, you will be surprised that criminals have more silent eyes than your so-called saints. Your so-called saints are sitting on volcanoes, constantly repressing something. Criminals have not repressed anything, that’s why they are criminals. They don’t carry a volcano within them. They are good people in a way – more silent, more loving, more sincere. You can trust them. But you cannot trust your saints – they are dangerous people; they go on accumulating much poison. They also have to create imaginary fights.
Hence the greatest message that I can give to you is – remember it – you have to come to a point where all fight is dropped. Only then will you transcend yourself. Only then will you never be again the small self, the tiny, the ugly self that you are. You will transcend it and you will become one with the whole.
Oneness is the very nature of existence.
Twoness is our imagination. Hence, all our lives we are hankering for love. The hankering for love is nothing but a symptom that where oneness exists, we have created a twoness which is false.
You cannot find a person who is not in deep need of love – who wants to love and wants to be loved. Why so much desire for love? It must be something very deep-rooted. This is the deep-rooted truth: life is one, but we have imagined ourselves as separate.
That separation becomes heavy; it is false and a burden. Love is nothing but the idea of becoming one again with the whole. Hence the desire to be loved; hence the desire to be needed; hence the desire that somebody should accept your love.
It seems difficult to become one with the whole. At least some person will accept you; at least from the door of one person you will be able to bridge the gap.
Those who are not in love, they seek love; those who are in love, they become aware that something more is needed. Great lovers are greatly frustrated deep down because they come to meet, then they come to a point where it seems everything will disappear. Again they are thrown back to themselves. They have glimpses of closeness, but not of unity. If you have loved well, then the desire for prayer or meditation arises.
The desire for prayer is this: I have loved and I have found that love gives glimpses. But glimpses make you even thirstier than before. One is thirsty and then comes to glimpses of a beautiful river, a fountain – so cool. One hears the song of the fountain, and then it disappears – one becomes even thirstier than ever before. Those who are not in love, they suffer; but their suffering is nothing compared to those who are really in love. Their suffering is tremendous; their suffering is very penetrating and very intense because they are close and yet far away. It seems the kingdom is just around the corner, and the closer they come, the farther away it goes. It looks like a receding horizon.
Love is the first step toward godliness; prayer or meditation is the final step. Love teaches you a new thirst, a new hunger; hence love is beautiful. People come to me and they ask me about love, and I say to them: Go into it – knowing well that I am sending them into danger. I am not sending them into deep love so that they can be satisfied. Nobody is ever satisfied. I am sending them into a deep love affair to make them really thirsty, to make them so thirsty that only godliness will suffice – nothing else.
Love prepares you for a great thirst, a thirst for the divine because you have had glimpses in the other person. There have been moments when you have seen the god or the goddess. When you have looked deep into the other person, you have found solace; a serenity has come to you. But it is temporary, momentary, it comes and goes; more like the stuff of dreams than of reality.
A man came to Ramanuja, a great mystic, and he said, “I would like to fall in love with God. Show me the path!”
And Ramanuja said, “Tell me first one thing: have you ever loved anybody else?”
The man said, “I am not concerned with this world and worldly affairs, with love and things like that. I want God.”
Ramanuja said, “Again, please think about it. Have you ever loved any woman, any child – anybody?”
The man said, “I am saying to you: I am a religious person; I am not a worldly man, and I don’t love anybody. Show me the path, how I can attain to God.”
It is said Ramanuja started weeping. Tears came to his eyes, and he said, “Then it is impossible. First you will have to love someone. That is the first step. You are asking for the last step and you have not even taken the first? Go and love somebody!”
The basic reason is that we are not in reality separate from the whole, but we think we are separate. Hence, the desire arises to become one with the whole.
The first step is to be taken with someone you can fall in love with, and then the second step will arise out of it of its own accord. A true love necessarily leads toward prayer. And if a love is not leading you toward prayer, it is not love yet; it is not true love because a true love necessarily proves that it is not enough. More is needed. A true love brings you to the door of the temple – has to. That is the criterion of a true love.
the bull is not separate from you; it is just a temporary subject. In your misunderstanding, it has to be thought of that way. It was just a hypothesis, used and then thrown into the rubbish, used and then transcended. So don’t go on fighting continuously. The fight should not become an eternal affair. The fight is just a device. Remember this.
I have seen people who have been fighting their whole lives. They have been fighting and fighting, not only in this life but also in their past lives – they have become warriors. Now they have completely forgotten the very aim. Now the fight itself has become the aim! Now they go on fighting, and through fight they go on accumulating a subtle ego – very pious maybe, but still poisonous. They go on accumulating a very subtle ego. Ascetics, monks – watch them and you will find a very sharp ego, steel-like.
the religious ascetic, one who has gone away from the world and has gone to the Himalayas, feels tremendously egoistic. His ego is very sharp, like a sword. Of course, it cuts nobody because he has left the world. It is good that he has left the world. It cuts himself, it is self-destructive.
Remember this: if I tell you to be aware, it is just a device. If I tell you to be disciplined, it is just a device, a useful measure for you. Don’t make it a goal. Remember always: it has to be transcended one day, so don’t get deeply attached to it.
It is very difficult. First I have to teach people how to meditate; and it is difficult to move them into meditation. Reluctantly – they create all sorts of difficulties – somehow I force them into meditation. Then the day comes when I want them to drop it, and they don’t want to drop it. First they never wanted to enter the path, then they become too attached to the path. They think if the path is dropped their whole life is wasted – as if now they cling to the staircase, to the ladder. First they were afraid to get on it; then they are not ready to leave it.
Meditation is good, it is medicinal. The word meditation comes from the same root as the word medicine. It is medicinal. Medicine is needed when you are ill. When you are healthy, the medicine has to be transcended. It is not a goal. You should not carry the bottles with you always. There is no need to be proud of your medicines.
Meditation has to be transcended. Awareness has to be transcended. Discipline has to be transcended. A moment comes when one has to live spontaneously – chopping wood, carrying water from the well, eating when hungry, sleeping when feeling sleepy, living absolutely ordinarily; no longer worldly, no longer otherworldly; no longer materialist, no longer religious. Just simple, ordinary. A real man of this quality cannot be categorized. You cannot call him worldly or religious. He is beyond categories. He has gone beyond logic.
When the moon is emerging from the cloud, it is just accidental that the cloud is there. It is not part of the moon’s nature.
The mind is a cloud. Thinking is like clouds. You are the moon. The world is like a cloud; it has not made any difference to you. In your intrinsic nature it has not affected you at all. You remain pure, you remain divine.
That’s why I go on insisting that you are gods right now. There is no need to postpone it. Maybe there is a cloud, but that doesn’t make any difference. You can realize your godliness even hidden behind a cloud.
People say that somebody has a mediocre mind; that is wrong because all minds are mediocre. The mind as such is mediocre. Remember it: mediocrity is the quality of the mind itself.
Intelligence is not of the mind, intelligence is of the beyond. When the mind is not there, then there is intelligence. When the moon is not hidden behind the cloud, then you can see it – brilliant, shining. When it is hidden behind a cloud, the cloud interferes with the brilliance; it cannot reach you. Then you cannot see the brilliance of it. Every person is a brilliant moon hidden behind a cloud. The cloud is the mind: you are the no-mind.
This is true – you are already that which you seek. The seeker is the sought. The goal is not somewhere far away in the future. It is just under your feet. It is exactly where you are standing. You may take time to realize it; you may take many lives to realize it, but that doesn’t make any difference. The day you realize it, you will laugh at the whole foolishness of it – that it was just under your feet all along.
All states are transcended: enlightenment, no-enlightenment; the world, nirvana – all are transcended.
This eighth picture was the last Taoist picture because Taoism could not see what more could happen. Finished! Everything has disappeared. No-thing has happened; now what more can happen? Everything has been transcended. Pure transcendence has happened; now what more can happen? But Kakuan created two more pictures – he must have been a great creator – and those will be the remaining two pictures we will discuss. But this is the last Taoist picture.
This is the difference between Tao and Zen, and this is also the difference between Buddhism and Zen. Buddha would also have liked the eighth to be the last. His disciples, Bodhidharma and Kakuan and Baso, have gone a little further than the master. Zen is not just Buddhism, it is more than Buddhism. It is the ultimate flowering – as if Buddha has also been improved. A few touches, master touches, and the whole face changed.
Zen is going to be the religion of the future of humanity because it teaches how to renounce and it also teaches how to renounce renouncing. It teaches how to go beyond the world, and it teaches how to go beyond the beyond. It looks paradoxical but it is not because when you go beyond the beyond you are back in the world – the circle is complete.
With Buddha the circle remains a little incomplete. Nirvana remains nirvana, the world remains the world – separate. The enlightened man remains enlightened, the unenlightened remains unenlightened – separate. Zen bridges them. The ultimate flowering is when a man is neither enlightened nor not enlightened – beyond categories. He lives in the world and yet does not live in the world. He lives in the world but the world does not live in him. He has become the lotus flower.
Be a lotus flower. Be in the water, and do not let the water touch you.
Going to the Himalayas and being pure there is not very difficult. What else can you do? You have to be pure; it is almost helplessness.
Bring your Himalayas back into the world. Let your Himalayas be herenow in the world, in the marketplace, and then there is the criterion, the test.
The real criterion is in the world. If you have really attained to nirvana you will come back to the world because now there is no fear. Now you can be anywhere. Now even hell is heaven and darkness is light and death is life. Now nothing can distract you. Your attainment is total, perfect, ultimate.
Be a lotus flower!
Chapter 09 – Life Is the Goal
Osho, It seems as if everything I perceive in or out of meditation
… is my own creation or projection. I can't distinguish between what I see, feel or am creating. Osho, what is real?
There is no need to distinguish between thoughts, dreams and reality. If you try, you will feel more confused. There is no way to distinguish because as far as the mind is concerned everything appears in the mind as a thought. It may be real, it may not be real; but the moment anything appears in the mind it appears in the form of thought.
You cannot distinguish, and there is no need. Don’t go on that journey because it becomes a journey of thinking, and meditation is lost. Rather, on the contrary, remain centered in your witnessing. Don’t be distracted by the objects in the mind; whatsoever they are, they are mind stuff. Simply remain more centered in your witnessing. Just be the watcher. Don’t try to distinguish. Whatsoever appears in the mind, just watch it. Watch it appearing, watch it being there, watch it disappearing.
Sooner or later, when you are really centered… And this can happen any moment. That moment always remains unpredictable. Whenever you feel centered, the whole mind disappears: thoughts, dreams, reality – all. Suddenly you are in emptiness; there is no object for you. In the mind there is nothing – pure emptiness. Then open your eyes and look: whatsoever is there is real.
When you are a witness and the mind has completely dropped, only then that which is is known – call it God, the real, the truth, or whatsoever you like to call it. The mind will never allow you to know reality. The mind is the disturbance. If you get too caught up in it, then you will be trying to solve puzzles. You can go on solving and creating and solving and creating new ones, but it never comes to any end. Thinking will not lead you to reality – a no-thought awareness. So don’t try to distinguish. Just watch, irrespective of what you see. The mind is the unreal.
For example: if you are standing before a mirror, something appears in the mirror. It may be real; it may be a reflection of something real outside the mirror, but in the mirror it is just a reflection; it may not be real at all. You may be seeing your own dream reflected. You may be projecting; that too is unreal. Whatsoever appears in the mirror is unreal because the mirror simply reflects. The mind is a mirror, it only reflects. Drop the mind, drop the mirror, and then see. Whatsoever is there is real because now the disturbing factor is no longer there.
My whole effort here is to help you to become witnesses.
So please don’t try to get into thinking, contemplation; otherwise you will become more and more confused. And there is no way to get out of thinking through thinking. It goes on creating itself endlessly. The only way is not to get into it. So watch, and remain alert. Whatsoever passes the mind, don’t try to decide what it is. Watch it as if everything is a dream. That is the concept of the Hindu notion of maya, illusion. Everything is unreal. So there is no need to be worried, there is no need to distinguish. Whatsoever appears in the mind because it appears in the mind, is unreal. The mind is the faculty of the unreal.
So drop the mind. Be more centered in the witnessing soul. Just be a watcher. By and by silence will pervade, will permeate your soul. By and by you will come closer and closer to home. By and by everything will fall in line and you will center into yourself. Any moment the centering can happen. Suddenly the mind is not there and your eyes are clear, clear of the mind. Then whatsoever you see is real. And this world that you have seen before will not be there as you have seen it before. It will be totally new. It will be something never known before. Everything will be the same and yet not the same – because you have changed. You are no longer drunk with the mind. You are alert, aware.
So, let me say it in this way: the more aware you are, the more reality you can know; the less aware, the less is the possibility of knowing reality. So the basic thing hangs on being aware. If you are totally aware, whatsoever you know is reality.
Osho, We like life and its enjoyments and think that we belong
…to the halfhearted, yet we really don't want to go unless you kick us out.
Then you must have misunderstood me. I am not against life. I am not against any enjoyment. In fact, what I am saying is that the way you are living, you are not enjoying life. The way you are living, you only dream that you enjoy. You simply suffer. You remain miserable. You simply hope.
Hope is not enjoyment. Hope is just a trick of the mind to console, to somehow convince oneself that today is gone but tomorrow everything is going to be good. Today one is in misery; tomorrow one will not be in misery. One dreams, hopes, projects.
A man of real enjoyment is herenow. He never thinks of the morrow, there is no need to think of the morrow. If you are really happy, you never think of the past, you never think of the future. Who bothers? For what? Your whole energy is herenow, becomes an infinite dance of bliss, happiness, celebration.
I am not against life. I am not against enjoying it. If you have understood me that way, you have misunderstood me. My religion is of celebration. My religion is of delight. My religion is of dance. I don’t want you to worship any god who cannot dance; then he is no longer a god. I want to teach you how to live life so intensely, so passionately, that you live it. And yet you don’t cling to it because clinging always shows a miserable mind. You cling to things only if you are not living them well.
So the first thing: as I see you, I see you miserable. You think you are enjoying life. Think again, meditate on the fact – are you really enjoying it? If you are enjoying it, then there is no problem. Enjoy it with my blessings. But I know you are not enjoying it. You simply believe you are because to see the naked fact of your misery will be too much, unbearable. So you go on pretending to yourself that you are enjoying life.
You go on smiling to hide your tears. You go on dressing yourself, painting yourself, to hide your wounds. You go on somehow, deceiving others and deceiving yourself that you are happy. It is not so. If you are happy, you have attained; then there is no need to meditate. If you are happy, then there is no need for any religion for you.
Religion is needed as a means; religion is not the end. It is a method for those who are not yet happy, for those who are still in misery, in darkness, who are still in anguish and anxiety.
But I know: your anxiety is so much that you need a shelter, the anguish is so much that you need a dream, so that somehow you can hope – hope for the future, for tomorrow.
Your heaven and your happiness is always somewhere else; it is never where you are. Real happiness is always here; it is always now. It knows no other time and no other space. If you are really happy, only happiness exists; you don’t exist. Remember: only in misery do two things exist – you and misery. In happiness, only happiness exists.
Happiness is non-dual, what we call in India advait. Misery is dual. In misery you are always two. Misery is a division of your being; cut apart, you are not an organic unity. Something goes against you. There is something there you never wanted to be there, but it is there, a thorn in the flesh. You suffer it in the hope that tomorrow it will not be so. But remember your yesterday? Your yesterday was also the same, and you were waiting for today because this today was tomorrow then. Now it has come. Nothing has happened. In the same way your other tomorrows will go on coming, but they always come as todays, they never come as tomorrow.
Tomorrow never comes. It cannot come by its very nature; it is just a dream on the horizon. You can think about it but you cannot live it. It is a falsity. You think you are enjoying it? Rethink it because I don’t see it. I look inside you and I find you miserable there – hiding it, but who are you hiding from? And what is the point of hiding it? The more you hide it, the more difficult it will be to get rid of it; because the more you hide it, the deeper it goes. The deeper it goes, the more it poisons your very being; the very source of your life becomes more and more poisoned. Misery spreads. It becomes almost a part of you and then you don’t know how to get rid of it.
So the first thing: I am for life, all for life, and all for enjoyment. I am not for somber seriousness, I am not for sadness. I am against all those religions which go on teaching people to be serious. God is not serious; otherwise flowers wouldn’t exist. God is not serious; otherwise birds wouldn’t be able to sing. God is tremendously into fun – that’s why we say in India that the creation is not a creation in fact but a play, a leela.
God is playing; he is like a child running hither and thither. Out of sheer energy, overflowing, enjoying, dancing a thousand and one dances, singing a thousand and one songs – never exhausted, he goes on innovating, goes on peopling the earth. Each person is his new way to dance and each person is his new effort to sing again, to love again, to live again. Each person is again a project, again an effort. He is never tired. Infinite is his play.
God is not serious. God is not Christian. He does not live in a church. He is festive. Look at life: it is a constant festivity. Listen to these words – a continuous festivity. See the trees continuously flowering, the sun and the moon and the stars. From the lowest to the highest, it is the same rhythm of joy. Except for man, nobody seems to be serious. Except for man, nobody seems to be worried and anxious. Except for man, the whole of life is fun.
No, I am not for seriousness. I am absolutely against it. I would like you to be playful. Listen to me well: I would even like you to pray as fun. Once seriousness enters your prayer, it is already dead. I would like you to meditate like love – a subtle delight, a continuous delight in just being here, in just being alive.
I am not against enjoyment, but I don’t see that you are enjoying; hence meditation is needed. Meditation is to clean you of your seriousness. Meditation is to make you aware of your deadliness. Meditation is to help you get rid of all the hangovers of the past, and all the projections and dreams of the future, so that you can be herenow, simply, spontaneously.
Meditation is to help you to enjoy so tremendously that you disappear into that enjoyment. If you remain, misery remains. Let me say it in this way: you are the misery. If you are, seriousness continues. Wherever you are, immediately you create a serious, somber climate around you; something is already dying. You are your death. You are the disease.
When you are enjoying, dancing, loving, or just sitting doing nothing, you are simply happy for no reason at all. Happiness needs no reason. If you are looking for reasons, you will never be happy. Happiness needs no cause – it cannot be caused. You cannot make it part of the world of cause and effect. It is absolutely illogical. If you want to be happy, be happy! Don’t wait, don’t arrange – there is no need for any arrangement. You are capable of being happy just as you are. Nothing is lacking. If you learn this much from me, you have learnt all, my whole art.
Happiness needs no cause. The cause is created by your misery. The misery says, “Today I am miserable, how can I be happy right now? First, preparations have to be made. Of course, then time will be needed, so tomorrow when everything is ready I will be happy. I have to find a beautiful wife; I have to find the perfect husband. I have to find a good house, a big car – this and that. This is only possible tomorrow. Right now, how is it possible? Time is needed.” This is a trick of the miserable mind.
The miserable mind says time is needed. The miserable mind lives in time, depends on time. Happiness has nothing to do with time. Just now, just herenow, please try to see the point. It is a question of seeing it. If you become a little alert you can see it right now. It is a realization.
Right now, who is barring your path?
If you are thinking that before you can be happy you have to find a perfect wife, that looks logical – how can you be happy without a perfect wife? But have you ever heard of a perfect wife? Have you ever heard of a perfect husband, a perfect house or a perfect car? All illusions.
I have heard about a man who was searching and searching and searching. He reached seventy, and somebody asked, “Isn’t your search over? When are you going to get settled?”
He said, “I am in search of a perfect wife.”
“Seventy years have passed. Death is already knocking on the door. When will you settle down?”
He said, “What can I do? How can you be happy without a perfect wife?”
The friend asked, “But you have been searching so long, couldn’t you find one?”
He said, “Yes, once I did find one woman.”
Then the man said, “Then why didn’t you marry her?”
And the seventy-year-old seeker became very sad. He said, “It was difficult: she was also in search of a perfect husband!”
Perfection is a mind-demand, an ego trip. Life is beautifully imperfect. Once you understand this, you start enjoying right now. And the more you enjoy, the more you become capable of enjoying.
Let me tell you: happiness needs no cause – happiness needs only a habit of enjoying, just a natural quality, a capacity for enjoyment. Nothing else is needed. And that capacity comes only by enjoying; it comes by nothing else. If you enjoy, you become more capable of enjoyment. The more capable you become, the more you enjoy. This goes on and on; it reaches a higher and higher crescendo, a higher and higher peak.
Every moment comes out of this moment. The next moment will come out of this moment. If you have lived this moment totally, loved, delighted, the next moment will come out of this moment, and you will be born out of this moment. The next moment will open more possibilities and it will make you more capable.
Happiness is a capacity which you already have, but you have never functioned with it. It is as if a child has never been allowed to walk on his feet and he has become crippled. He has the capacity to walk, but he has never been allowed. The mother was too afraid he might fall, so now he continues walking on all fours because of fear. Every child is born to be happy as naturally as every child is born to walk. There is nothing else to it.
So your question is: “We like life and enjoyments” – not as much as I do; otherwise, you would be a hundred percent in it – “and think that we belong to the halfhearted.”
You belong to the halfhearted because you have not loved life totally. Never think about my meditations as something other than life; never make them the opposite of life. I am not trying to give you goals other than life itself. I am not trying to convince you of some other journey than life. Life is the journey. Life is the goal.
Religion is not a separate journey. It is, really, to live life so totally that life starts revealing all its secrets; and godliness is its innermost secret. Once you love and live life, it reveals more and more. Suddenly, one day, it reveals its most secret center: godliness.
Loving life, one day you love God. Living life, one day you live God.
So don’t be halfhearted. Be totally in life. I am not here to distract you from your life. It has already been done. All of humanity is suffering because of that. Religions have proven a calamity because they have made goals the opposite to life, diametrically opposite to life.
George Gurdjieff used to say that all religions are against God. He seems absolutely right. Just think about religions: they all seem to be against God – being against life means being against God.
God is not against life, this much is certain; otherwise, life would have ceased a long time ago. Your mahatmas may be against life, but God is not. Your mahatmas go on teaching you: Renounce! And God goes on creating more and more life. He doesn’t seem to be an escapist, a renouncer; he seems to be tremendously and deeply involved and committed to life. His involvement is eternal. Just think: within a life of seventy or eighty years, you are fed up and tired, and you want to escape and go to the Himalayas – and God has been creating for eternity and is not tired yet. He does not know what tiredness is; his energy is still fresh and young. It is as if this is the beginning right now. The past is not carried. Each moment is a new creation.
If you become religious in my sense of the term, you will not renounce life. You will renounce yourself, not life. You will drop yourself and be totally one with life, so no division exists. The “I,” the ego, has to be dropped, not life.
Osho, Whatsoever you are telling us, from time to time it appeals
…to the mind, and something in me wants to follow it. But still I find myself never practicing it. Why is that so, Osho?
The mind may like to follow me, but the mind is impotent. The mind is a very small part, and it has no will. It dreams well, it thinks well, it plans well, but it has no will. It cannot act. As far as action is concerned, the mind is a coward. In thinking, it is very brave; in action, it is absolutely cowardly. So when you listen to me, if you only think about me, and you think about whatsoever I say, the mind will say: Perfectly true! Very good! This is what I always wanted. But you will never practice it.
So don’t listen to me from the mind. There is another way of listening. Listen to me as a total being, not only from the mind; listen to me from your very guts. Only then will you practice what I am saying; otherwise, you will remain divided. The mind will think one thing and you will go on doing just the opposite. Then you will feel guilty, and then you will repent. Then it is better not to listen to me at all because I am not here to create guilt in you. That would be a sin. To create guilt in anybody is a sin. So remember: I am not responsible for it; you are creating it yourself.
Listen to me as a total organic unity – your blood also listens, your heartbeats also listen, your bones, your marrow, your guts – you listen to me as a total being. Then, only then, will you be able to practice it. In fact, to say “you will be able” is not right – you will practice it. If you have heard me as a total unitary being, you have already started practicing it. There will be no need to make a conscious effort to practice it; you will find it. It has moved into your bloodstream, it has become part of you. You cannot do other than practice it.
So listen to me rightly, and when I say listen to me rightly I mean: don’t listen to me from the head. The head is the culprit because the head has found techniques of listening that don’t allow the whole being to be aware of what is happening. It does not expose your whole being to me. You listen from the head, hiding behind a narrow slit, a small hole just like a keyhole. You go on collecting whatsoever I am saying. You are not drinking and eating me, you are not digesting me; otherwise the question of practice will never arise. You just go on thinking about what I am saying; you go on interpreting, making your own theories, explanations, comments, and then you get hung up in the head. Then you come to a decision. But the head has no power to implement it; the head is not the executive force in you. The head has no will, it is impotent. It can think, but it can never implement.
That’s why thinkers go on thinking. If you see their lives, you will simply be surprised. It seems unbelievable! Their thinking is very rich and their lives absolutely poor. They cannot decide about small things; their thinking remains indecisive.
It happened in the life of a great German thinker, Immanuel Kant: a woman fell in love with him and she waited and waited for some day when he would ask for her hand. But he would talk of a thousand and one things, great things, philosophical speculations, but he would never ask for her hand. Finally, tired, she herself asked, “I would like to get married to you.”
He became very puzzled. He said, “Let me think. I cannot do anything without thinking.”
And the story goes that he started thinking. One day he knocked at the woman’s door – he had decided to get married, he had decided to say yes. When he asked the father if he could see his daughter, the father said, “But she is already married, and she has two children by now! Where have you been all this time?”
Almost seven years had passed. He was thinking and thinking and thinking. His diaries still exist; he had found three hundred and fifty-four reasons for marriage and three hundred and fifty reasons against marriage. Because there were four reasons more for marriage, he decided that now something had to be done – but it was too late.
The life of thinking is a bogus life; it has no substratum in it.
If you listen to me from your head, this problem is going to haunt you your whole life. The head will say yes, and then the problem will arise: how to practice it? Your whole being has not heard about it, and the whole being will go on going its own way. Your whole being will not bother about your head – it doesn’t bother. In fact, your whole being never listens to your head. It gives your head the opportunity to think, but whenever a question of decision arises, your wholeness comes to a decision, not your head. You decide: Now, no more anger, enough is enough! It is always bad and it poisons and leaves a bad taste in the mouth, and it simply creates more trouble and solves nothing. Your head decides: No more anger, now I have made a decision! And then the next day you are angry. What happened? Your whole being had not even heard about the decision. Your bones, your blood, your guts, are not even aware of your decision.
It is a luxury to think. Unless you hear me from your wholeness, not as thinking beings, but if you throb with me, if your heart beats with me, if you fall in rhythm with me, then there will be no need. This “how to practice problem” will never arise. You will practice. Suddenly you will see that you are practicing. If something goes true to your being, if something is felt by your totality as truth, it is already on the way to being practiced. You have digested it, and then it never creates guilt.
This question of guilt has to be understood; otherwise, you will listen to me and you will not be able to follow. Then you will feel guilty. And I am here to make you happy, not to make you guilty. A guilty person is an ill person. A guilty person is a poisoned person. A guilty person is not in harmony; he is in an inner conflict. He wants to do something and is always doing something else, just the opposite. The rift grows bigger and bigger, and the bridge becomes more and more impossible. Guilt creates schizophrenia: you become two people, or even many people. You become a crowd; you become polypsychic – you lose unity.
Listen to me from your whole heart. Absorb me. Otherwise it is better not to listen to me – forget all about me. But please don’t feel guilty.
If you have listened rightly, if you have listened at all, then the question of practice never arises. You are practicing it. It is as natural as if when you want to go out, you go out through the door, not through the wall. You see the door; you simply go out by the door. You don’t even think where the door is, you don’t ask: Where is the door? You don’t make a decision like: This time I am going to go through the door, not through the wall; like: I am going to stick to my decision whatsoever happens; whatsoever the temptation, I am not going through the wall – I will go through the gate.
If you think such things, that simply shows that you are mad. And you will go through the wall; you will not go through the gate. The wall is too tempting; you are fascinated, obsessed.
Understanding brings its own practice. Understanding is enough. If you understand me, then there is no problem. So if the problem of practice arises, I am not going to tell you to make more forced efforts. No. Drop all efforts. Try again to understand me. You have missed in the first place; you have missed the very thing, the very seed, which brings practice spontaneously.
Listen to me again. Listen to me very relaxed. When your head listens, you are very attentive, concentrated; there is a tension. Listen to me very relaxed. Allow me to surround you from everywhere. Let me be a climate surrounding you from everywhere. And just allow me in, soak me in; be like a sponge – not attentive, relaxed, like a sponge – so you can drink whatsoever I am saying. There is no need to think about it; drink it. Let it become a part of your being. And then you will see that you are never following me.
If the understanding is there, you always follow yourself. Guilt is not created and the follower is not created. Guilt is not created and the conflict – how to practice it – is not created. Then you are not a follower. You become my lovers but not my followers – and that is a totally different dimension. If you find some day that there is something which the head says has to be followed and done, practiced, and you are not doing it, don’t make any effort to practice it. Try to listen to it again. Go from the very first moment of understanding again; start from the very beginning.
This is a trick of the mind. First it misleads you – just verbal, intellectual understanding – and it gives you an impression that you have understood. Secondly, it says: Now practice! And you cannot practice because you have not soaked it in; it has not yet become part of you, it is not integral to you. It is something foreign, alien. How can you practice it? It becomes a load, a burden. Then the head says: You are guilty! You understand and you don’t do it. So now, whatsoever you do, you will not feel good about it. This understanding, which you think you have, cannot be practiced, so you will feel bad. That’s how so many millions of people remain in guilt, in sin, burdened, crushed under the burden.
Drop it! That dimension is wrong. Start listening to me again. There is no need to understand me intellectually. I am not an intellectual, and I am not teaching you any doctrines. I am simply allowing you to participate in my being, to get in rapport with me, to get in tune with me. My whole effort is so that you can find a certain harmony between me and you, so that you can become partners with me, sharers with me of something unknown that has happened to me, and is possible to happen to you. I want to hold your hand. I want to give you courage, not intellectual understanding. I want to give you life. I want to share something which is overflowing in me.
So don’t listen from the head; that is the wrong place to listen from. In Zen they say: Listen from the belly. That is better. Try it sometime: listen to me from your belly. That is better than your head. In Tao they say: listen from the bottom of your feet. That is even better – because if you listen from the bottom of your feet, to travel from the feet to the head it will pass through your whole being. If you listen from the belly, that too is very good; at least it will be heard from the middle, from the very center.
I tell you: listen to me as a whole. There is no need to listen from the bottom of the feet or from the belly or from the head. Just listen to me as a whole being.
For example, if you are in danger and somebody is running behind you with a sword, how will you run? Just with your head? Just with your feet? Just with your belly? No, you will run as a total unit. You will forget completely where the head is and where the feet are and where the belly is. Everything will be forgotten. You will become a total unity. You will run as one.
That is the way to be here with me. Soak me in, absorb me, and then there is no problem of practicing me. It will start affecting you. It will start changing you. You will be surprised: suddenly you will see you have practiced it. Somebody was angry and there was no anger in you; you could remain calm and serene. Suddenly you have practiced it; not that you tried to practice it – it has become part of your being, it just happened.
You will be surprised: if the understanding is true, rather than feeling guilty, you will feel many, many surprises – at your own behavior, at your own responses. In the same old situation, somebody will insult you, and you will not feel anything at all. As if it just goes through you, never hits anywhere; just passes through, does not leave a wound, does not even scratch you! And you can smile and look back: what just happened? A miracle! Understanding is miraculous. It is the only miracle there is.
If you have understood me, you will find at every point of your life, with every step, surprises waiting for you. You will not be able to believe that “This is happening to me!” because you expect only the old, and this is new, absolutely new. You will start falling in love with yourself.
A new being is arising.
Osho, I am not always clear on the difference between
…leaking and overflowing. Could you give a few pointers please?
Your mind is always trying to confuse you because in your confusion is the power of the mind. The more confused you are, the more you have to listen to your mind. When you attain clarity, the very function of the mind is finished. That’s why the mind never goes on holiday.
I know one man who is a top officer. I was going to the Himalayas once and I asked him to come with me. He said, “That’s impossible! I cannot go on a holiday.”
I said, “Why?” I had never seen him go on holiday. I asked, “What is the matter?”
He said, “I am absolutely useless in the office and I don’t want anybody to know it. I have to be there continuously to create the impression that I am needed. Once I go on holiday, everybody will become aware that I am not needed at all. I cannot go on holiday.”
That is the situation with the mind. The mind never leaves you even for a single moment. It goes on confusing you because once you are confused, the mind is at ease. You have to ask the mind what the way is. Then the mind becomes your guru. In fact, in simple matters when confusion seems to be impossible, it creates confusion there also.
For example, this question: “I am not always clear on the difference between leaking and overflowing.” Now, the phenomena are so diametrically opposite that there cannot be any confusion. There is no possibility. But the mind can create it.
When you leak, you feel tired. When you are overflowing, you feel fulfilled. Overflowing is a delight – sheer delight, just delight and nothing else. Just as trees bloom in flowers – that is overflowing. When the tree has too much, only then does it flower; otherwise it cannot flower. When it has so much it cannot contain it, it has to share. It is an unburdening. Look at the tree when it is in bloom: the whole tree seems to be relaxed, unburdened, relieved, happy.
Whenever you are overflowing, whenever you share, you never feel tired afterward. In fact you feel more energetic, more in tune, more at home. Everything settles, unburdened. You grow wings; you can fly in the sky. You are so weightless, gravitation disappears. The feeling is so totally different from the feeling when you leak, dissipate, and energy is lost. It is almost impossible to confuse them. How can you confuse them? They are so totally different. But the mind can create confusion.
The whole function of the mind is to create confusion. It creates doubts – where no doubts can exist, it creates doubts. It creates ghosts, imaginary, and it creates a puzzle. Then, of course, you have to ask the mind itself: What is the way out?
You can take sexual orgasm an example. If you are making love to a woman or to a man mechanically, and there is no love sharing – there is no love in it, just a mechanical habit, or just because physicians say it is hygienic, it is needed for the body, or some other nonsense – then your energy will dissipate, your energy will simply leak out of you. Afterward you will feel simply tired, not fulfilled, frustrated. It will leave you weaker, not stronger. That’s why so many people feel frustrated after making love, and so many people decide to get rid of making love – because it seems so useless.
When you love the person and you are overflowing, you want to share your energies with the other person. It is not sexual at all in that moment; you don’t have any idea of sex; your mind is not there at all, it happens spontaneously. You don’t plan it in your head; you don’t go through a rehearsal. In fact you don’t do it, it just happens; you are not the doer – you become vehicles. You are possessed by something greater than you, higher than you, bigger than you. Then it is not leakage. Then you are overflowing from all over. It is not local, it is not sexual, it is total. Then you attain to peace, serenity, calmness. Then you attain to fulfillment. That’s what orgasm is. Rarely do people attain to orgasm.
This will not leave you weaker, this will make you stronger. You will not decide in the wake of your lovemaking that you are against sex, that the so-called saints are true and right and you should have listened to them before; that now you decide to take a vow of brahmacharya, or celibacy, and you decide to become a Catholic monk and move to a monastery – no. If there has been an orgasmic flow and your energy has been simply shared and has overflowed, you will feel grateful toward God. A prayer will arise in you. You will feel so fulfilled that you would like to give thanks. You will feel so glad, so blessed, that in that moment you can bless the whole world. Your face, your body, your mind, everything will be at a calm altitude – a new plenitude of being. A benediction will surround you.
Prayer arises in such moments – gratefulness, gratitude. One becomes religious in such moments. To me, religion has arisen out of a deep love orgasm. Hence, to me, Tantra remains the ultimate in religion, the last word because that is the highest peak man has attained of attunement, the highest peak where ego disperses, disappears. One is, but one is not limited. Where one is not blocked − one is a flow; where energy is flowing and moving, and one becomes just a center of so many crisscrossing ways, pathways of energy – the ego disappears. The ego is very solid, like a stone. In love one becomes liquid, flowing all over.
Leakage is frustrating – whatsoever type of leakage: sexual, non-sexual, but it is tiring. Sometimes somebody is with you and you feel tired – just being with that person, just the presence of that person. You don’t want the person, you are bored; and you start leaking, you start dissipating your energy. Then when the person is gone, you feel simply tired, shaken, as if he has taken too much out of you and he has not given anything in return. He simply leaves you weak. But if you love the person, if you are happy that the person has come to see you and meet you, you feel enhanced. Energy becomes more alive, you feel more vital. You feel rejuvenated. There can be no misunderstanding between the two.
Avoid leakages, and remain available for overflows. By and by you will become capable of only overflow because leakage is an attitude of the mind. If a person is boring to you and he is saying things which you don’t want to listen to, you will feel dissipated; a leakage will happen. Just change your attitude.
Right in the middle of the conversation, you were just getting bored. Just change your attitude and start listening to the person. He is also a mysterious person – maybe a little boring, but he is also God. He may be a little boring, but listen to him with a new attitude. Shake yourself, give yourself a jerk; drop your old attitude and start listening to his story. Maybe there is something in it. And immediately you will see: energy is no longer dissipating.
It is your attitude. Anything can be energy-giving, and anything can be energy-destroying; it depends on your attitude. A religious person – this is my definition of a religious person – is one who is always overflowing whatsoever the situation. Even if death comes to him, death will find him in a deep orgasm.
Ordinarily, even life does not find you in deep orgasm; even love has not found you in deep orgasm. But a man like Socrates, even death finds him in orgasm – ready, receptive, dancing, as if death is bringing so many mysteries. It is bringing them! That, too, is a face of God – maybe dark, but darkness is also divine. You are going to disappear, but disappearance is as mysterious as appearance.
Birth and death are two aspects of the same coin.
Socrates was thrilled! You are not thrilled with life, and he was thrilled with death. His disciples started crying and weeping, and he said, “Stop! You can do that when I am gone. Don’t waste these moments. These moments are momentous. Let us receive death – it only comes once in life. It is a rare guest. It is not every day that it comes. And I am fortunate that it is coming in a predictable way; otherwise it comes unpredicted and one cannot welcome it.”
He was going to be poisoned; he was sentenced to death by the Greeks. At six o’clock exactly, he was to drink the poison – and he was waiting like a thrilled child. The disciples could not believe it! He took the poison and he started walking in the room, and somebody asked, “What are you doing?”
He said, “I am trying to be alert, to be awake, so death does not find me asleep.” Then it became impossible to walk. His legs were giving way. So he lay down on the couch and started saying, “Now my feet are numb; it seems the feet are dead. But I am still as much as I was before. Nothing has been taken away from me – I remain whole!” And he was happy.
Then he said, “Both my legs are gone – but listen to me: I still remain whole. That means only the body is being taken away. My consciousness remains untouched, unscratched. It seems that death is not going to kill me.”
This is the attitude of a religious man, and it depends on your attitude. Your whole life can be an orgasmic flow. Not only love: each moment of your life can be an orgasmic flow – then you are overflowing. And remember one basic, fundamental rule: the more you overflow, the more you are given. It is as if you take water from a well: the more water you take out, the more fresh water is flowing in – constantly. If you stop taking the water out, the water will become stale, dead, and fresh sources will not be supplying more; there will be no need.
Share! Share as much as you can, and the more you will be given.
Jesus says: If you cling, you will lose; if you share, you will receive. Don’t be a miser – share! And feel grateful to whosoever accepts your energy; feel grateful to him because he could have rejected you. Feel grateful, and go on sharing. You will see that out of your inner springs, fresh water is continuously coming. The more you share, the younger you remain. The more you share, the more virgin you remain. The more you share, the fresher, the purer you remain.
If you don’t share, then you start leaking. If you don’t share, if you are not happy in sharing, you become a miser. A miser leaks. Be a spendthrift as far as life energy is concerned. A miser starts leaking and feels frustrated and always miserable because something has been taken away from him. In his misery he shrinks; and because of his shrinking the inner sources, the inner springs cannot refill him.
It depends on you.
The distinction is absolutely clear. Let this be the criterion after any energy contact – and the whole of life is energy contact. When you look at a tree there is an energy contact: your eyes meet with the greenery of the tree, you have embraced the tree in a subtle way. You touch a rock and there is contact; energy has been shared. You look into the eyes of another human being, and there has been a communication. You say something, or you remain silent, but the communion continues. It is happening each moment.
Now it depends on you, whether you will make it leakage. If it is leakage, you will die a thousand deaths every day. It depends. If you make it an overflow, a hearty sharing, that you always wanted to give, an unburdening of your heart – as a flower gives its fragrance to the winds, and the lamp gives its light to the night, and the clouds give their rains to the earth – if you go on sharing, your whole life becomes an immensely beautiful dance of energy. Each day, you will have a thousand and one new births.
Chapter 10 – Reaching the Source
Sat Prem came to me last night. Vipassana is on her deathbed. He was very worried, shaken, immensely shaken, and rightly so. The moment of death of someone you have loved deeply brings your own death into your mind. The moment of death is a great revelation. It makes you feel impotent, helpless. It makes you feel that you are not. The illusion of being disappears.
Sat Prem was crying. He is not a man to cry easily, he is not a man to feel helpless easily; tears do not come to him. But he was shaken. Anybody would be because suddenly you see that the ground underneath your feet has disappeared. You cannot do anything. Somebody is dying that you loved. You would even like to give your life, but you cannot. Nothing can be done. One simply waits in deep impotence.
That moment can make you depressed, that moment can make you sad, or that moment can send you on a great journey for truth – a great journey in the search for the bull.
What is this life? If death comes and takes it, what is this life? What meaning does it carry if one is so impotent against death? And remember, not only is Vipassana on her deathbed – everybody is on his or her deathbed. After birth everybody is on his deathbed. There is no other way. All beds are deathbeds because after birth only one thing is certain, and that is death.
You are also dying, not only Vipassana. Maybe you are a little farther away in the queue, but it is only a question of time. Somebody dies today, somebody tomorrow, somebody the day after tomorrow. What is the difference basically? Time cannot make much difference. Time can only create an illusion of life; but the life that ends in death is not, and cannot be, the real life. It must be a dream. I would like you to become aware of it; then your search for the bull starts.
The search for the bull is the search for real life, authentic life, which knows no death. Life is authentic only when it is eternal. Otherwise, what is the difference between a dream and what you call your life? In the night, deep asleep, a dream is as true as anything, as real – even more real – than what you see with open eyes. By the morning it is gone; not even a trace is left. In the morning when you are awake you see it was a dream and not a reality. This dream of life continues for a few years; then suddenly one is awakened, and your whole life proves to be a dream.
Death is a great revelation. If there were no death there would have been no religion. It is because of death that religion exists. It is because of death that Buddha was born. All buddhas are born because of the realization of death.
Buddha passed down a street and he came across a dead man. He asked his servant, the driver who was taking him in the chariot, “What has happened to this man? What has happened to him?”
And the charioteer could not lie. He wanted to lie – that’s what we are doing to each other – he wanted to lie to this young prince: Why unnecessarily disturb him? He is so young now. Why should he be bothered about death?
The story is beautiful. It says that he was just going to lie and avoid it and give some explanation or other, but the gods in heaven were watching and they immediately came into his being and possessed him: The truth must be spoken; otherwise this Gautam Siddhartha will miss. They forced the driver to speak the truth. In spite of himself, the driver found himself saying, “This man is dead, and everybody is going to be like that – even you, sir!”
“Even I?” Buddha asked. “Then take me back home. Then there is nowhere to go, this whole life is false. I must not waste my time. I must seek the eternal.”
That is the search for the bull. Go, sit beside Vipassana – feel death. Don’t feel sorry for her. If you feel sorry for her, you miss the whole point. You miss a great opportunity, a great door. There is no need to feel sorry for her. She is perfectly beautiful. She is leaving this world with something gained inside.
The day she came to me, I became apprehensive and was aware that her breathing was not right. Hence the name Vipassana. Vipassana means awareness of breath. I had told her to be as aware of her breath as possible. She was going to die – when was not important – and she was going to die by some deep breathing trouble. Her breathing was not rhythmic.
She worked hard, and I am happy that she is dying with a certain integration, so that she is not dying uselessly. Don’t feel sorry for her at all. You can, on the contrary, feel happy for her. She has worked hard. Whatsoever she has attained, she is going to carry into her other life. She has used this opportunity as well as possible – so whether she survives or dies is immaterial.
When you go and sit by her side, feel sorry for yourself. You are in the same boat, in the same plight. Death will knock on your door any day. Be ready. Before death comes, find the bull. Before death knocks, come back home. You should not be caught in the middle; otherwise this whole life disappears like a dream, and you are left in tremendous poverty, inner poverty.
The search for the bull is the search for the energy – the eternal energy, the very dynamic energy – of life. It knows no death. It passes through many deaths. Each death is a door for a new formation. Each death is a cleansing. Each death is an unburdening. Each death simply relieves you of the old.
Life, real life, never dies. Then who dies? You die. The “I” dies, the ego dies. The ego is part of death; life is not. So if you can be egoless, then there is no death for you. If you can drop the ego consciously, you have conquered death. And in the search for the bull, the only thing that has to be done is to, by and by, drop the ego. If you are really aware, you can drop it in a single step. If you are not so aware, you will have to drop it gradually. That depends on you. But one thing is certain: the ego has to be dropped. With the disappearance of the ego, death disappears. With the dropping of the ego, death is also dropped.
Let death surround you. Have the taste of it. Feel helpless, impotent. Who is feeling helpless, and who is feeling impotent? The ego because you see you cannot do anything.
Feel this impotence as deeply as possible. Out of this helplessness, a certain awareness, a prayerfulness, a meditation, will arise. Use her death – it is an opportunity. Here with me, use everything as an opportunity.
She has used her life beautifully. I can say good-bye to her very happily so that she can come back soon. She will be coming on a higher plane. This death is going to help her because no more work is possible now with this body. She has done whatsoever work she could do. A new, fresh body will be needed for further work.
She is not fighting, she is not struggling. She is simply surrendering bit by bit, and that’s beautiful. She is in a let-go. If she fights, she may survive for a few days more. That’s why doctors are not going to be of much help because she herself is accepting death. When somebody accepts death, then nothing can help because deep down the person is ready to die. And it’s beautiful when one is ready to die. One is ready to die only when one has come to feel something which is beyond death, never before. When one has come to feel the taste of deathlessness, a little glimpse maybe, one knows that one is not going to die. One is going to die and yet one is not going to die. When one comes to know that, then one relaxes. Then where is the fight? What is the point? One relaxes.
She is relaxing. By and by she will disappear. Use that opportunity! Be by her side. Sit silently. Meditate. Let her death become a pointer to you, so that you don’t go on wasting your life. The same is going to happen to you.
this is realized only when you have come to the ninth point. When you reach home you will realize that this was possible in a single step. There was no need to take so many steps. There was no need to move so gradually, in degrees. A jump was possible.
People come to me and I tell them to take the jump. They say, “But I will have to think.” How can you think about a jump? If you think and you come to a decision by thinking, how then can it be called a jump?
A jump is a jump into the unknown – unthought, uncontemplated, unplanned. A jump cannot be planned. You cannot prepare for it, you cannot think about pros and cons. You cannot be the decider. A jump is leaving the ego – doing something which has not been decided by the ego. A jump is allowing the whole to take possession of you. A jump is discontinuous with you; it is not a continuity. If you think and then you come to a decision, it is a continuity. You may take sannyas then, but this will be the first step in a long series.
The sannyas that I was hoping for you was a single step. In one step you would have arrived home – but you wanted to think. I can also understand your problem: how can you take an action without thinking? How can you be so trusting? A jump needs trust. You cannot trust. You doubt; you have been trained to doubt. You have been trained to think about all the possibilities before you decide. You have been trained to always remain in control.
You can take sannyas as a conclusion of your own thinking; then it is a continuity. The sannyas I was going to give you was more like death, or love. You cannot think about love – it happens. That’s why we have the expression in every language: falling in love. It is a fall – a fall from the ego, a fall from the head, a fall from control, a fall from continuity.
Yes, it is a fall. You are no longer a part of your thinking, your continuity. Suddenly a gap appears. Or it is like death; you cannot do anything about it. It comes, it possesses you – it is not your decision. One day when you come nearer and nearer to your home, when your home is just in front of you, then you will realize: Too many steps have been taken returning to the root and the source. Better to have been blind and deaf from the very beginning!
That is the meaning of trust: better to have been blind and better to have been deaf from the very beginning. If you trust, your mind says: You are becoming a blind believer. Don’t be blind. Think about it, take time, then make the decision. Everything should be your decision.
Have you ever thought about it – that your birth was not your decision? Nobody asked you in the first place. And even if somebody had wanted to ask, you were not there to be asked. Your birth came out of the unknown; out of nothingness you were born. It was not your decision. One day you will disappear again into the unknown. That will be your death. That will not be your decision. In between these two, sometimes there will be glimpses of love. They will all be glimpses of the unknown. Or, if you are fortunate enough, and you try meditation and prayer, then again you will have a few glimpses of the unknown. They will not be something of your doing. In fact, your doing is the barrier.
There are things which can be done only by you, and there are things which can be done only when you are not there to do them. There are things which can be done only in a deep non-doing: birth, death, love, meditation. All that is beautiful happens to you – remember it. Let it become a constant remembrance: you cannot do these things.
Look at the river: unconcerned with whatsoever is happening all around, it flows on in deep tranquility, in deep calmness, undistracted by what is happening on the banks. Undistracted, it moves on. It remains tuned to its own nature; it never leaves its nature. It remains true to itself. Nothing distracts it; nothing calls it away, away from itself. Whatsoever happens in the world around, the river goes on being a river – true to itself, it goes on moving. Even if a war is going on, even if bombs are being dropped, whatsoever is happening, good or bad, the river remains true to itself. It goes on flowing. Movement is its intrinsic nature. And tranquility is a shadow when you are true to yourself.
And watch the flowers on the trees: …and the flowers are red. The trees are also true to themselves. No flower is trying in any way to imitate any other flower. There is no imitation, no competition, no jealousy. The red flower is just red, and tremendously happy in being red. It has never thought about being somebody else. Where has man been missing?
Man misses his true nature because of desire, imitation, jealousy, competition. Man is the only being on earth that is not true to himself, whose river is not in tune with itself; who is always going somewhere else, who is always looking at somebody else; who is always trying to be somebody else. That’s the misery, the calamity. You can be only yourself. There is no other possibility, it simply does not exist. The sooner you understand it the better. You cannot be a Buddha, you cannot be a Jesus, and there is no need. You can be only yourself.
Everybody is trying to be somebody else. Hence we go on, away and away from the original source. The distance is created because of your desire. You see somebody driving a beautiful car and you want the car. Not that a car is needed – just a moment before there was no need. Suddenly, seeing somebody else driving the car, a desire has arisen. If you had not seen the car, the desire would never have arisen. So it is not intrinsic to you, but something from the outside. It is as if the river were flowing toward the ocean, and just on the bank the river has seen something and the flow is broken; the river does not want to go to the ocean now. Now, on this bank, it would like to cling to something, possess something. Now the river has come away from its intrinsic nature. It has fallen from its trueness, its authenticity, from its truth.
You see somebody – an athlete, a beautiful body, ornamental – and suddenly a desire arises. You would like to have the same body; you would like to become Muhammad Ali, “the greatest.” Or you see a beautiful man or a beautiful woman and you would like to become like that. Or you see a buddha, a tranquility of great understanding, and you would like to become like that. Remember one thing: you can be only yourself; there is no other way. All other ways simply lead you away from yourself.
Once you realize this, the basic understanding has been achieved and immediately your river starts flowing. There are no blocks. People come to me and say that they have so many blocks here and there. All blocks exist because of deep-rooted desires to be something other than you can be. All blocks exist because energy becomes frozen, and the energy knows only one way to flow; that’s its natural flow.
Just think of a rose who has become neurotic and thinks to become a lotus. Now what will happen? There will simply be misery, and in that misery the rose will not be able to become a rose. One thing is certain: the rose cannot become a lotus – that is absolutely certain. The rose will not be able to become a rose either; that too is almost certain because now the whole desire will be going far away. The rose will dream of the lotus, and the rose will think of the lotus, and the rose will start condemning itself.
How can you grow if you condemn yourself? The rose will not be able to love itself. How can you grow if you cannot love yourself? The energy will not be flowing. Now there will be blocks. Now the rose will be constantly in trouble. One day there is a headache; another day there is something else. The rose is ill.
Once the rose comes to understand that there is only one possibility, and that is to be a rose, and there is no need to be a lotus, and it is perfectly beautiful to be a rose… Once the rose accepts itself, the condemnation disappears; once the rose loves itself, the grace returns, the dignity comes back. Now there are no blocks, they will melt. The rose will start flowing like a river. The rose will be red, happy, tremendously delighted in whatsoever is naturally available to it.
Roses never go neurotic. They laugh at man. Lotuses never go neurotic. The whole world laughs at man. Man is the only animal who goes neurotic. And the neurosis arises once you try to do something unnatural to yourself; then neurosis arises. Once you have an ideal, you are going to be neurotic.
You are the ideal, you are the destiny.