I came to a point where I saw the ego can be dropped right now…

…but then I had to see that I don't want to drop it. But I want to want.
Can you bring light to this place?

You think your ego is something valuable? People simply laugh at it. Except you, everybody else is against your ego. Except you, everybody else knows the ridiculousness of it.
What is the ego? It is a very ridiculous standpoint. The ego says, “I am the center of the universe.” The ego says, “The universe exists for me.” Ridiculous standpoints! Just a small understanding will be enough – not much light is needed. Just a small light will be enough. You are not the center of the world – because the world was here when you were not, and the world will be here when you are not here. You cannot be the center. You are not the center.

The ego gives you a rock to stand on, but the rock is imaginary, it is just a dream. The ego is a declaration that “I am separate from others − separate from the trees, separate from the sky, separate from the sea − I am separate from others.” But are you? Are you really separate from others? In millions of ways you are joined with everything else.

You are joined with your mother, your father, and your father is joined with his father and mother, and so on and so forth. It goes on and on. You are joined with the air every moment. If you don’t breathe, you will die. You are joined with the sun’s rays; if the sun simply forgets one day to rise in the morning, we will be dead within ten minutes. You depend on water, you depend on food. How can you say you are not joined with the trees? We are deeply connected with everything else – that is the meaning of ecology. It is one system.

To say “I” is simply absurd. You cannot be independent – totally independent – then how can you say “I”? Just look at the ridiculousness of the “I.”
To tell you to drop it would mean that I accept that it is there. It is not there; it is simply a ridiculous notion, an idea with no substance in it. It is made of the same stuff as dreams are made of. So I cannot say to drop it. I can only say: Wake up! Be awake! I can only shock you so that you can open your eyes and see that it is not there. Awareness is needed – I don’t teach egolessness, no.

A humble man cannot be ambitious, and an ambitious man cannot be humble. But people go on trying to find some ways to hide – now humbition: I am humble and yet ambitious. This is impossible! A humble man is nonambitious, nonegoistic.

I only want to point out to you that the ego you are clinging to is not there in the first place. It is just an idea. And everybody knows this about your ego as you know about others’ egos, but the stupidity is that no one becomes aware of one’s own nonsense.

Not that after understanding you have to drop it; in the very understanding it drops.
Just as in the morning, you awake.
If you are awake, dreams are no longer there – not that you have to drop them, they simply drop! The very act of waking drops them. There is no need to drop them separately. Here arises understanding − there disappears ego. It is simultaneous; there is not even a single moment’s gap.
You are talking as if you are separate from your ego and your ego is something you can drop or carry. When ego is dropped, then who are you? You are dropped.

Understanding is enough; there is no need to want to want to drop it. It drops when you are in that state of understanding.
Rather, become more and more aware and understanding.

The emperor said, “I am in deep turmoil within. I am very ambitious. Although I have one of the biggest empires in the world, my ego still feels discontented.”
Bodhidharma laughed and said, “You have come to the right person. Do one thing: come early in the morning at four o’clock. But remember to bring your ego with you; otherwise what can I do if you don’t bring it?”
"Bring your ego with you and I will be ready to finish it forever."
Bodhidharma asked, “Alone? Where is your ego?”
The emperor said, “It is not a thing that I can bring. It is always in me.”
Bodhidharma said, “Then it’s okay. Sit down, close your eyes, and find out where it is hiding in you. The moment you catch hold of it, just tell me.”
the emperor for the first time in his life closed his eyes to meditate and he started looking around: Where is the ego? One hour passed, another hour passed. The sun was rising, and the emperor was sitting in such a blessed state. Bodhidharma shook him and said, “Now, that’s enough – two hours! Where is it?”
And the emperor started laughing. He bowed down and touched Bodhidharma’s feet and he said, “I cannot find it.”
Bodhidharma laughed and said, “See! I have finished it. Now whenever you have this wrong notion of ego, don’t go asking other people how to drop it. Just close your eyes and try to find where it is.”

If you take the flashlight with you, the darkness is not there. If you don’t take the flashlight, then it is there. Darkness is an absence of light. Ego is an absence of awareness. If you bring awareness to your being, suddenly it is not there.

Whosoever preaches “Drop your ego,” has not understood anything about the ego – it is not there. You cannot drop it, you cannot carry it. It is simply ridiculous.

How can I surrender when Judas is in the way?

Nobody is in the way, no Judas, but your mind has a tendency to throw its responsibility onto somebody or other. The mind goes on finding scapegoats. This is a trick of the mind to save itself, to protect itself.
Take all the responsibility there is because only through accepting responsibility will your maturity happen.

Adam said “Eve seduced me to eat the fruit.”
Of course, Eve said, “I did nothing; it was the serpent.” And the serpent could not say anything.
Everybody is trying to shift the responsibility onto somebody else. If the serpent could speak he would say, “God created me, and he created me in such a way that I had to do it.”
Logic goes on finding ways and means – and it looks very logical. I have not come across anything more illogical than logic.
It is good for arranging small things, managing small things, but life is bigger than logic. Logic is only a part, a very tiny part of life.

Listen to life. Close off and meditate more inside yourself. Close your eyes and meditate more, and see who is barring your path. Judas? There is nobody except you. If you are doing something wrong, take the responsibility on yourself, because that is the only way to transcend it one day.

Freedom and responsibility go together: they are two aspects of the same coin.
If you don’t want the responsibility, then you also lose your freedom.
Everybody likes to be free and nobody wants to be responsible.
In shifting responsibility to others’ shoulders, you are throwing away all possibility of freedom.

The intelligent mind is of a totally different quality. Whenever it doesn’t want any effect, it goes deep into the cause and drops the cause – then there is no problem!

You want people to love you, and you are getting angry and hateful, and you do all sorts of things to people. You want them to love you; and when they don’t love you, when they hate you and they are also angry at you, then you say: These things are happening and I have never chosen them. You have chosen them.

Everybody goes on thinking that he loves people and nobody returns the love, but it has never happened that way. It is against the law; it is against dharma, against the ultimate law of life. If you love, love comes in return. If it is not coming, go deeper; somewhere in the name of love you have done something else.

Change that attitude: think of the essential first; the nonessential follows. Think of the essential first! What is essential? The effect is not essential – the cause is. The other is not essential – you are.
People go on thinking that if they can manage the nonessential, the essential will come.
For example, people think if they can earn enough money they will be happy. It is not so.
Wealth cannot be a cause of happiness. Happiness is always a cause of wealth.
You think that essential things will come: First let me manage the nonessential.
Try to look deep into your being, and think of the essential. Be happy! Right this moment you can be happy. Nobody is barring the path. And if you cannot be happy right this moment, you can never be happy. Happiness has nothing to do with the future. Happiness knows no tomorrow because happiness does not depend on anything else. It is just an attitude. You can be happy right now as you are.

Try to just be happy for no reason at all, and you will be surprised! You can be happy for no reason at all because happiness is the reason for many things, it is a basic cause. You can be happy – try it. You have been trying the other way; now try it from the basic cause. First have the cause – be happy – and then effects will follow by themselves. Always remember not to find scapegoats – that is a sure way to miss your life.