Chapter 01 – The Search for the Bull’s Footprints

When one goes on an inner journey one leaves the world.
Not only the world – one renounces the mind, because the mind is the cause of the whole world. The world of desires – the world of possessions – is just the outer part. The inner part is the mind: the desiring mind, the lustful mind, the jealous, competitive mind, the mind full of thoughts; that is the seed.

One renounces the outer, one renounces the inner, one becomes almost empty – that’s what meditation is all about. One becomes totally empty.

One comes totally renewed, resurrected, reborn – as if this man had never gone; as if this man is coming totally fresh and virgin.
Again one becomes ordinary – chopping wood, carrying water from the well, walking, sitting, sleeping – one becomes absolutely ordinary.
One lives in the world but the world is not in your mind, the world is not within you. One lives untouched, like a lotus flower.

One comes back to the world because of compassion. One helps other travelers to arrive. One has arrived, now one helps others to arrive. One has become enlightened, now one helps others toward the same goal. And each and everyone is searching for the same goal.

If your meditation does not become compassion, then your meditation is still somehow hiding your ego, then your meditation is still selfish.

If you don’t cry, if tears don’t come to your eyes for others, and if you don’t come back to the world to help people who are stumbling, then somehow your meditation is still not religious.

He comes to the marketplace, but he remains in his meditation; now the marketplace cannot become a distraction. If the marketplace becomes a distraction, then your meditation is not yet complete. If anything can distract you, then your meditation has been a forced thing.
Your meditation is still not spontaneous; it is not a natural flow. It has not happened to you; you have made it happen.

In the beginning it is good to be selfish, otherwise you will never grow; but in the end, with the meditation coming to a real completion, a crescendo, the ego must disappear, the selfishness must disappear. You should become one with the whole.

One is not simply escaping and hiding in a cave. One is so free now that there is no point in hiding anywhere. Now freedom is one’s quality.

The world becomes a new adventure.
beginning from the marketplace, ending again in the marketplace. Of course, totally different – because now you don’t have a mind, so the marketplace is as beautiful for you as the silent Himalayas; there is no difference. And people are thirsty. You help them, you show them the path.

Socrates was dying: "I have been waiting my whole life for this moment to go into the reality of death."
“My stomach is feeling numb, my hands are feeling numb.” But he was very excited, ecstatic. He said, “But still I say to you: I am the same, nothing has been taken away from me.”

That is the difference between other animals and man. They live, they don’t inquire. They simply live, they don’t inquire. No animal has ever asked: What is truth? What is life? What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? Where do we come from? For what goal are we destined?

Chinese, Japanese, Korean don’t have any alphabet – they have thousands of pictures.
Children think in pictures, in dreams. Whatsoever they have to think, first they have to visualize it. All primitives do that. That is the language of the unconscious.

All people who have been trained in Aristotelian logic tend to think in black and white, good and bad, night and day, summer and winter, God and the Devil – black and white! There are no other mid-stages.
The whole of life is colorful. Think in colors, don’t think in black and white.

The bull is a symbol of energy, vitality, dynamism. The bull means life itself. The bull means your inner power, your potentiality. The bull is a symbol, remember that.
You have the energy, but you don’t know where this energy comes from and what goal this energy is going toward. You are that energy, but still you are not aware of what that energy is. You live unaware. You have not asked the basic question: Who am I? That question is the same as the search for the bull: Who am I?
Then the whole thing is going to be futile because the basic question has not been asked, has not been answered. Unless you know yourself, whatsoever you do is going to be futile. The most basic thing is to know oneself.

The bull means your energy – the unknown strange energy that you are, the tremendous energy out of which you have come into being, which goes on growing in you like a tree. What is this energy?

"In the pasture of this world, I endlessly push aside the tall grasses in search of the bull"
What do the tall grasses symbolize? Poetry talks in symbols. Painting paints the symbols, poetry talks the symbols. The tall grasses in which your bull is lost are desires. So many desires, pulling you this way and that. So many desires! Constantly a tug-of-war: one desire pulls you to the south, another to the north.

In a small school the teacher asked, “Now, can anyone tell me where we find mangoes?”
“Yes, teacher,” replied a little boy. “Wherever woman goes – man goes.”

The whole of life is just a running after this desire or that. Finally, nothing is attained; only frustrated dreams, a heap of frustrated dreams. Look back – what have you attained? You have been running and running – where have you got? These are the tall grasses.

because the whole society is running, every child inherits the disease.
the child learns by imitation. The father is running, the mother is running, the brother is running, the neighbor is running, everybody is running – for power, prestige, money.
Before the child can start thinking, he is already running.

See what your inner need is and then work for it, and work diligently for it, intelligently for it. But first see what your inner need is. And the inner need can be recognized only when you recognize who you are.

If you can understand the quality of your energy, you will be able to understand what is going to fulfill you. Otherwise, not knowing oneself, one goes on running. The running is almost mad.
Stop beside the road, meditate a little, reconsider what you are doing, why you are doing it.
Running will make you, by and by, incapable of stopping.

He said, “No, now I have fixed a time, that after ten years I will retire.”
He was sixty then, now he is dead. He worked hard and he lived like a beggar just hoping that some day he was going to enjoy. But by the time he had money, he had become obsessed with having more and more.

these things are not going to fulfill you because they are not basic needs. One needs something else. But that something else has to be searched for within yourself; nobody else can give you the direction. You have your destiny within you. You have the blueprint within you.
Before you start running after anything, the most fundamental thing is to close your eyes, get in tune with yourself, with your energy, and listen to it – and whatsoever it says is good for you. Then you will feel fulfillment. By and by, you will come closer and closer to your blooming, to your flowering.

But people are afraid to become themselves. People are very afraid to be themselves because if you try to be yourself you will become alone. Everybody is unique and alone. If you try to be yourself, you will feel aloneness. So people follow others, the crowd; they become one with the crowd.
If you meditate, you will be alone, but if you get mad about money, you will never be alone – the whole world is going there.
People can never know themselves if they are afraid of being alone;

People are afraid to decide anything on their own: decidophobia. They allow others to decide for them, then they don’t take responsibility.

The fear is that if you decide on your own, who knows? It may be wrong. It is better to let others decide; they know more, they have more experience. Let tradition decide, let society decide, let the politicians decide, let the priests decide. One thing is certain: others have to decide so that you are free of the responsibility of making a decision. Hence people go on following others, and everybody goes on missing his own individuality.

There are two ways to avoid decision. One is to let others decide. Another is to never decide, simply drift. Both are the same because the basic thing is not to take the responsibility for deciding. The new generations have chosen the other alternative: drifting. The older generations have chosen the first alternative: to let others decide. You may not allow your father to decide, but that doesn’t mean that you are going to decide for yourself – you may simply drift. You may do things, whatever happens, you may become driftwood.

The search means decisiveness. The search means taking risks.
Don’t be afraid; drop this fear. Who else can decide for you? Nobody can decide anything for you. Yes, others can help, others can show the path. But the decision has to be yours because through your decision your soul is going to be born.

The more decisive you become, the more integrated you become. The more you take the responsibility for commitment. Of course, it is very dangerous, but life is dangerous.

There are millions of things which can be learned only if you are courageous enough to make mistakes.
Remember only one thing: don’t make the same mistake again and again.

Belief is the enemy of trust. Trust life! Don’t believe beliefs – avoid them! Avoid beliefs – Hinduism, Islam, Christianity. Seek on your own.
You may come to find the same truth.
Unless you have experienced it, unless you become a witness to it personally, all Vedas and all Bibles are useless.

There cannot be any map because truth is private and not public.
There comes a moment in the search when one feels completely exhausted, tired. One starts thinking it would have been better if he had never started his search. One feels so frustrated that one starts feeling jealous of those who have never bothered about such things. This is natural, but that is exactly the moment when the real search starts.

The mind feels tired because the mind is always happy following maps. With the known, the mind remains the master; with the unknown, the strange, the mind is completely at a loss. The mind cannot figure out what is going on – the mind feels tired, the mind feels exhausted. The mind says: What are you doing? Why are you wasting your life? Come back! Come to the world, be as other people are! Follow the crowd; don’t try to be an individual.

This moment comes in everybody’s search. It is an essential moment. If you can continue, even feeling exhausted, tired, frustrated; if you can still go on and on, then the mind is dropped and the first glimpses of meditation appear.

If you go on, if you don’t listen to the mind and its game of tiredness, exhaustion, and this and that… The mind wants to pull you back – to the fold, to the crowd. The mind wants you to belong to a sect, to a church, so that you need not decide every step on your own. Everything is decided already, everything is ready-made. You just have to believe in it.

If you don’t listen to the mind and you say: I am going to inquire, I am going to search; if you are tired, you can drop the mind.
your eyes are focused there on the goal, on the bull, you will come to discover footprints. They have always been there, only you were too crowded with thoughts, too clouded by the mind. Hence you were not able to see those subtle footprints.
And now, even under the grass, under your desires, you find the same footprints of the bull. Even under your desires you find godliness hidden.

a man who is searching for money wants to be rich but he does not know that to be rich is totally different from having money. To be rich means to have all the experiences that life can give you. To be rich means to be a rainbow, not black and white – all the colors together. To be rich means to be mature, alert, alive.

The world is a dream. Not that it does not exist, not that it is not. The world is a dream because the world that you think is is nothing but your dream; you are asleep, unconscious, sleepy, moving, doing things. It is fortunate that you cannot go far! You can become awakened this very moment.

The bull never has been lost because the bull is you. The bull is your energy, it is your life. The bull means the principle of your dynamism. The bull has never been lost.
If you can understand that, then there is no need to search.
But if that understanding does not dawn on you, then the need to search arises.

The search is not going to help you reach the goal because the goal has never been lost. The search is only going to help you drop greed, fear, possessiveness, jealousy, hatred, anger. The search is only going to help you drop the hindrances, and once the hindrances are not there, suddenly one becomes aware: I have always been here; I have never gone anywhere else.

So the whole search is negative in a way. It is just like when somebody makes a statue out of a marble block. What does he do? He simply chips nonessential parts away, and by and by the image appears.

The bull is already there. The seeker is the sought. Just a few unnecessary things are crowding you. The search is negative – drop them and you discover yourself in all your glory.

"Understanding the teaching, I see the footprints of the bull."
Buddhas, millions of buddhas, have been on this earth. They have all taught the same thing. They cannot do otherwise. The truth is one, descriptions many. The truth is one – they have all talked about it. Now, if you try to understand, you will be able to discern the footprints of the bull. But rather than understanding, you try to follow – and there you miss.

Following is not understanding. Understanding is very, very deep. When you understand, you don’t become a Buddhist. When you understand, you become a buddha yourself. When you understand, you don’t become a Christian. When you understand, you become Christ himself. Following will make you a Christian. Understanding will make you a christ – and the difference is tremendous. Following is again decidophobia. Following means: Now I will simply follow blindly. Now there is no question of my own decision. Now wherever you go, I will go.
Understanding is: Whatsoever you say, I will listen, I will meditate. And if my understanding arises and gets in tune with your understanding, then I will follow my understanding.

Teachers are helpful, they indicate the way. Don’t cling to them. Following is a clinging – it is out of fear, not out of understanding.
Once you become a follower, you lose the track. Once you become a follower, one thing is certain: you are not inquiring any longer.

The search is individual, full of danger. One has to go alone. But that is the beauty of it. In deep aloneness, only in deep aloneness, where not even a thought is present, godliness enters you – is revealed to you. In deep aloneness, intelligence becomes a bright flame. In deep aloneness, silence and bliss surround you. In deep aloneness, eyes open, your being opens. The search is individual.

I am not here to make your journey comfortable, convenient, because it cannot be made comfortable and convenient. It has to be hard – it is hard; it is uphill. And in the last moment, in the final moment of what Zen people call satori, not even I will be there with you. Only up to the gate can we be fellow travelers. When you enter the gate, you enter alone.

on the whole path I have to make you capable of being alone. I have to help you drop fear, help you to become decisive. Trust life – there is no need of any other trust. Trust life and it leads you spontaneously and naturally to the ultimate, to the truth.

If you trust, you flow in the river. You are already in the river, but you are clinging to some dead roots on the bank, or you are trying to fight against the current. Clinging to scriptures, clinging to dogmas, doctrines, is not allowing the river to take you with her. Drop all doctrines, all dogmas, all scriptures. Life is the only scripture, the only bible. Trust it and allow it to take you to the ocean, to the ultimate.

Chapter 02 – Drop the Never Ending Why

I don't know why I am here.

Nobody knows – and there is no way to know it, and there is no need to know it. This constant questioning – why am I here? Why am I doing this? This constant hankering for the why is a disease of the mind. No answer is going to satisfy you because the why can be asked again. If I say something – you are here because of this – the why will be pushed back a little, that’s all. You will again ask: Why? The why is never-ending.

Rather than asking why you are here, it is better to use the opportunity, it is better to flower, it is better to exist authentically. And the beauty of it is that once you start existing authentically, truly, once you stop all nonsense thinking and you start delighting in life, once you are no longer a philosopher, the why is answered. But it is not answered by anyone from the outside, it is answered by your own life energy.

The answer is possible, but it is not going to come as an answer; it is going to come as a lived experience. The answer is going to be existential, not intellectual. The question is intellectual. Drop it! Rather, simply be!

Continue questioning, and you remain in the head. Drop questioning. Suddenly the energy moves in a new dimension: the dimension of the heart. The heart has no questions, and in that the answer hides.

It will appear paradoxical, but still I would like to say to you that when your questioning stops, the answer comes. But if you go on questioning, the answer will become more and more elusive.

The car is there in the porch: the why can be answered. If your why also can be answered, you become a mechanism like a mike or a car – you become a utility, a commodity. But you are a man, not a machine.

My effort is not to answer your questions, but to make you aware that out of a hundred questions, ninety-nine are simply foolish. Drop them! Once you have dropped the foolish questions – they look very philosophical – the one real question remains. And that question is no longer concerned about irrelevant, nonessential things. That one question is concerned about existence, about you, your being. Not why you are here, not about the purpose of your being here, but about your being here – who you are: Who am I?

This can be known because for it there is no need to go to anybody else; you can go inside. To answer it, there is no need to look in the scriptures – you can look inward. To answer it, you just have to close your eyes and go into inner silence. You can feel yourself – who you are. You can taste the flavor – who you are. You can smell it, you can touch it. This is existential questioning. But why you are here, I don’t know. And there is no need to know.

We ask why about something which is not acceptable to us. We ask why about suffering, misery, hell. We never ask why about love, happiness, blissfulness, ecstasy. So the why is simply an indication that you must be miserable. So rather than asking why you are here, ask why you are miserable. Then something can be done because misery can be changed.

Whatsoever I say will be from the outside – and you are there, deep, very deep within yourself. You have to go deep, you have to fall into your own abyss, into that inner space where only you are and nobody else; not even a thought passes by.

Only in that space will you have the answer – not a verbal answer, not that somebody will say from within you that you are a soul, or you are God. Nobody will say anything, because there is nobody – pure silence. But that silence is the answer. In that silence, you feel, you know. There is no need to give you any information. No words are needed. You have touched your rock bottom, your innermost core.

“The smart thing for you to do is not to learn to spell your first word. The minute you learn to spell cat you are trapped. From then on the words get longer and longer and longer.”

rather than asking why you are here, use this opportunity. Allow me and allow yourself – toward a transformation of your being. Allow me to enter you! Don’t ask stupid questions. Open your doors.

You will know it, but you will not be able to tell others. You will know it, your whole being will show it; your eyes will say something about it – there will be a glow around you. People who have eyes to see will be able to see that you know it. But you will not be able to say who you are. No word can express that – it is so tremendously vast. You can have it, but you cannot express it.

Once inside the temple, you will know. And there is no other way to know it.
Knowing from somebody else can never really be knowledge. It remains, at the most, information. Knowing from somebody else is never intimate. It remains just on the periphery. It never penetrates to your innermost core, it never hits home.

Go into yourself. For a few moments every day, whenever you can get an opportunity, drop all games, just be yourself – not a father, nor a mother, nor a son, nor a banker, nor a servant: nobody. These are all games. Find the interludes. Between two games, relax in, sink in, drown into your own being – and there is the answer.

I can show you how to drown in interludes, but I cannot give you the answer. The answer will come to you. It is true only when it comes to you. Truth has to be one’s own – only then is it truth, only then does it liberate. My truth will become a theory to you; it will not be a truth at all. My truth can blind you, but cannot make your eyes more perceptive. My truth can surround you as a security, but it will be borrowed – and truth cannot be borrowed.

Please explain the difference between decidophobia and disciplehood.

You cannot become a disciple if you are afraid of making decisions. This is the greatest decision in one’s life – to trust somebody else as the master, to trust somebody else and stake your whole life with the master. It is a gamble. Much courage is needed. Too many people come to me who say they would like to become sannyasins, but they are afraid. The decision is too much, and a thousand and one things have to be considered before they make the decision.

Decidophobia means you are afraid of deciding anything. Disciplehood is a decision.

you remain a Hindu or a Christian because you cannot decide to get out of them. It is not a decision; it is a lack of decision. Because you are afraid of deciding, you continue whatsoever you have got.

Just observe: in small things you think too much, and in great things you don’t think at all. If you go to the market to purchase clothes, you decide. In small things – purchasing clothes or toothpaste or soap – you decide. Religion, God, meditation, prayer, you leave to somebody else to decide.

People who are not born blind become almost blind because of a constant blindfold.
you are afraid of opening your eyes. So better to let somebody else decide; then you are freed of the responsibility, and you can say: We are obedient. Tradition is great, we simply follow the tradition. The past is great, and we follow the past.

Disciplehood is always a personal choice.
If you suffer from decidophobia, you cannot go with me; then you will remain within the fold in which you were accidentally born.

it is a commitment. I know it is very difficult to decide; hence much courage is needed. You can be Hindu easily; you can be Christian easily. But to walk with me you will have to drop your decidophobia. Only then do you become a disciple.

In the world there are very few disciples. Yes, the people who decided to go with Jesus were disciples.

The fisherman looked at Jesus – those tremendously penetrating eyes, those tremendously silent eyes, more silent than the lake – and Jesus said to that man, “What are you doing? Why are you wasting your whole life in catching fish? Come with me, I will teach you how to catch men. Why go on wasting your life catching fish? Come follow me!”

This is disciplehood. Those who followed Jesus were disciples, but Christians are not disciples; now they are following a dead tradition. Those who followed Buddha were disciples, but Buddhists are not disciples.
If your children start remembering me, loving me, because of you, then they are not related to me – then they have a fear of decision. Don’t create that fear in your children’s minds. Let them decide for themselves.

Society is afraid that if it does not decide for you, you may not be able to decide. But, in fact, because of this, by and by you lose the capacity to decide things. And once you lose your decisiveness, you lose your soul.
The word soul means an integrated unity within you. It comes out of great, fatal decisions. The more you decide and the riskier the decision is, the more integrated you become, crystallized.

Never imitate. Be decisive on your own, and every decision will give you more and more integration.

This is a great decision – to commit, to get involved totally, to go with me toward the unknown. The mind will create a thousand and one doubts, hesitations; the mind would like to cling to the past. But if you decide, in spite of all this, you rise above your past, you transcend your past.

But don’t try to be clever. Try to be authentic and true. Don’t try to rationalize.
you are not deceiving me, you are deceiving only yourself. Be clear about it. Great clarity is needed in the search for truth.

Why do I have such a strong reaction to discipline?

And an attraction and a voice saying, “You must!”
Is there a difference between obeying and surrender?

Not only a difference: obeying and surrender are diametrically opposite.
Then my voice is your voice; you don’t obey it. Then I am no longer separate from you. If you are not surrendered, then you obey it, because my voice is separate from yours. You manage to obey; you enforce a certain discipline on yourself. There must be some greed behind it. You must be looking for some result. So you obey, but deep down you remain separate. Deep down the resistance goes on continuing. Deep down you are still fighting with me. In the very word obey there is resistance.

Obeying is ugly. Either surrender or be on your own. Obeying is a compromise: you don’t want to surrender, one thing; and you are not confident to remain on your own, another thing. So you compromise. You say: I will remain on my own, but obey. I will listen to you, whatsoever you say, and will find ways and means to obey it.

Surrender is a totally different thing. There is no duality in surrender. When a disciple surrenders to a master, they have become one; that moment the duality has disappeared. Now the master is no longer thought of as separate, so who is going to obey and who is going to obey whom?

the surrender has not yet happened. Otherwise, discipline is beautiful; there is nothing like discipline. If surrender has happened, then you don’t enforce discipline, it comes spontaneously.
When I say something to you, and you are surrendered, you hear my voice as your own.
In fact, you will see immediately that this is what you wanted to do, but you were not clear about it. You will be able to understand that I have told you something about which you were groping in the dark.
I have made them clear for you. I have spoken for you. I have brought your own heart’s desire to you.

Once you start thinking like a cow, then there is no question of any obedience or disobedience. Once you start thinking like me, then there is no question, then there is no problem, no conflict, no struggle, no effort. Then, in fact, you are not following me, you are following yourself. This happens in deep surrender.

People think that in surrender your individuality will be lost. Absolutely wrong, one hundred percent wrong. In surrender your personality is not lost. In fact in surrender your personality for the first time becomes clear; because if you surrender, you surrender the ego, not the personality, not the individuality. It is just the wrong notion that you are somebody − you drop that notion. Once that notion is dropped, you are at ease; you grow. Your individuality remains intact, in fact it grows bigger and bigger. Of course there will not be the feeling of “I,” but a tremendous growth will happen.
If surrender is not there, then millions of questions arise about how to obey.

A teacher is one who is respected naturally, so a teacher cannot demand respect. If the teacher demands respect, he simply shows that he is not a teacher; he has chosen the wrong profession; that is not his vocation.
The very definition of a teacher is one who is naturally respected; not that you have to respect him. If you have to respect him, what type of respect is this going to be?
When it is there, nobody thinks about it, nobody is self-conscious about it. It simply flows. Whenever a teacher is there it simply flows.

Rather than asking students to respect the teachers, please decide again – you must be choosing the wrong teachers, people who are not teachers at all.

Just think of a society that thinks that poetry is to be taught by poets and everybody is to be taught poetry. Then millions of poets will be required. Of course, then there will be poets’ training colleges. Those poets will be bogus, and they will demand: Applaud us because we are poets! Why are you not respecting us? This has happened with teachers.

In the past there were very few teachers. People used to travel thousands of miles to find a teacher, to be with him. There was tremendous respect, but the respect depended on the quality of the teacher. It was not an expectation from the disciple or from the student or the pupil. It simply happened.
If you are surrendered, obedience simply happens without any self-consciousness.

Once you say to somebody, “Don’t do this!” a deep desire arises to do it. “Don’t eat this!” a deep desire arises to eat it. The mind always functions negatively.
Whenever you say yes, it goes against the ego. The ego cannot eat yes; it feeds itself on no’s. Say: No!
Just notice! Make yourself a yea-sayer; drop no-saying because it is the poison of no on which the ego feeds itself, nourishes itself.

Compromise comes out of fear. Take courage – either be with me or don’t be with me; but don’t be in limbo.

What if there are not any gaps?

It is as if somebody asks: What if there is no heart within? But the “if” is just speculative. Close your eyes and you will hear the heartbeat.

Without gaps, thinking cannot exist. Between two words the gap is a necessity; otherwise the two words will not be separate, they will overlap. Between two sentences there is a gap – necessarily so, otherwise there will be no division between the sentences, between two thoughts.
So find a few moments when you can be just be “setting still”; immediately you will be in the gaps. Sitting silently, you will be in the gaps.

Thoughts are intruders; gaps are your real nature. Thoughts come and go. The emptiness within you always remains; it never comes, never goes. The emptiness is the background; thoughts are moving figures against it. Just as you write on a blackboard with white chalk – the blackboard is there, you write with white chalk – your inner emptiness functions as a blackboard, and on that blackboard thoughts appear.

When you ask “if” questions, you are wasting time. In the same time and with the same energy, those gaps can be experienced and you can become immensely rich.

Who cares? Is this creative indifference, or sleep?

Creativity cannot be indifferent. If you are indifferent, by and by all your creativity will disappear. Creativity needs passion, aliveness, energy. Creativity needs you to remain a flow, an intense, passionate flow.

Through indifference, everything becomes ordinary. Then one lives in a cold way, shrunken in upon oneself.
Indifference is negative, it is suicidal; it is escapist. Of course, if you become indifferent many things will not bother you; you will live surrounded by your indifference. You will not be distracted, you will not be disturbed. But just not to be distracted is not the point. You will never be happy and overflowing.

To me creativity is prayer, creativity is meditation, creativity is life.
So don’t be afraid of life, and don’t close yourself in indifference. Indifference will desensitize you; you will lose all sensitivity; your body will become dull, your intelligence will become dull. You will live in a dark cell, afraid of the light and the sun, afraid of the wind and the clouds and the sea – afraid of everything. You will wrap a blanket of indifference all around you and you will start dying.

Move! Be dynamic! And whatsoever you do, do it so lovingly that the very act becomes creative and divine.
You may be a housewife – your cooking can be creative. You may be a shoemaker – your shoemaking can be creative. Whatsoever you do, do it so totally, so lovingly, so intimately; get involved in it so that your act is not something outside. Move into your act and your act becomes a fulfillment. This I call religious. A religious person, a religious consciousness, is immensely creative.

Care about each and every thing.
Very small things – just cleaning the floor – do it with deep care, as if it is the body of your beloved, and suddenly you will see that you are being born anew through your own creativity.

Be overflowing. Don’t be misers. Don’t try to hold – share! Let care be the very center of your life. And then there is no need to go to church, no need to go to temple.
Love makes everything sacred. Carelessness makes everything ugly.

Chapter 03 – Discourse in Silence

Osho always speaks on silence;
today he spoke in silence.
His soundless sound was heard deep in the hearts.
His message was clear and loud.

He spoke without speaking.

Chapter 04 – Perceiving the Bull

Notice your own mind! You become more interested in a pornographic picture than in a real woman. Pictures have a tremendous grip on the human mind; hence man lives in fiction. And self-knowledge is not possible in fiction. You have to become more interested in the real than in the reflected. Mirrors have to be broken. You have to come back home; otherwise, you go further and further away from yourself.

This interest in reflections, fictions, dreams, thoughts, images, is the basic reason why man cannot know himself. He is not interested at all in himself. He is more interested in the opinions of others, what they think about him. That again is a mirror. You are constantly worried what people think about you. You are not worried at all about who you are – that is not a real quest – but about what people think you are.
Your morality, your virtue, is nothing but a decoration so that in others’ eyes you can look beautiful, good, righteous, religious. But this is at a great loss.
If people think you are religious, that does not make you religious. If people think you are happy, that doesn’t make you happy. And once you are on the wrong track, you can miss your whole life.

Become more interested in being happy than being thought happy.
thoughts cannot satisfy your hunger. Whether people think you are well-fed or not is not the question; you cannot deceive the body.
Real food is needed, pictures of food won’t do. Real water is needed, pictures of water, formulas about water, won’t do.

The face that is mirrored is not your face; it is just the surface, it is just the periphery. No mirror can mirror your center. And the circumference is not you.
A man who is in search of his self, who has become interested in self-knowledge, goes on breaking all mirrors. He does not smile because people are looking at him so that a smile will give a good impression about him, he smiles when he feels to. His smile is authentic. It is not dependent on other people; it is not dependent on onlookers. He lives his life. He is not always trying to convince an audience that “I am so and so.”

people who are too much concerned about convincing others are empty people, hollow within. They don’t have anything authentic. Otherwise, the desire will disappear. If you are a happy man, you are a happy man and you don’t think about it, about whether it has to be reflected in others’ eyes. You don’t go on collecting opinions.

The first step of understanding is that your self is already waiting for you – within you. You need not look into anybody else’s eyes.
Don’t believe in mirrors – believe in reality.

A man who is constantly worried about his impression in others’ eyes, how he looks in mirrors, is a fool, because he is wasting a great opportunity in which tremendous experiences are possible.
Don’t be afraid of foolishness, otherwise you will remain a fool.

One day or another you have to recognize the fact that up to now you have lived in deep stupidity. And if you go on living this way. by and by you lose your individuality; you become part of the masses, you lose your soul. Then you are not an authentic individual.

you become a mass, I mean that you are being continuously molded by others, kneaded by others. But you allow it, you cooperate with it. You take all sorts of trouble to become a part of the mass, of some crowd, because alone you lose your identity. Your whole identity is through the crowd.

That’s why people, when they retire, die sooner.
Once out of power, their whole identity starts disappearing like a dream. Out of the office, suddenly you are nobody. You have been nobody your whole life, but you go on believing in the fictions that you create around you.

how stupid it is to ask somebody: Who am I? How can anybody else answer it? Go inward – that is the search for the bull. Go into your own energy; it is there. Just taste it, just merge with it.

Once you have understood that you have to seek your identity within yourself, in total aloneness, you are becoming free from the mass, from the crowd. Individuality is born; you are becoming an individual, unique.
The ego is always in trouble. It is a false entity. It appears as if it is real, and it is not.

Individual means that which cannot be divided, that which cannot suffer any split, that which cannot be two, dual or many, that which is absolutely one, where no division exists. Then you are an individual. It has nothing to do with the ego. The ego is a barrier to individuality because the ego is always divided.

The ego is many, it is never one. Because it has been collected from so many different people, it cannot be one. You are one, the ego is many. And if you think that you are the ego, then you are on the path of madness. Once you understand this, you can see the footprints of the bull.

Life is like that. The mind is like the salesman and the Encyclopedia Britannica. The mind goes on accumulating things, cataloging all the experiences – categorizing, classifying, filing – so that in the future when the time comes they can be used. But life is so alive that it never asks the same question twice. If you are too in your mind, then always whatsoever you answer is not the point – it can never be. Life goes on changing every moment. It is like a small child asking, “What kind of car does God drive?”

So try to be more alert rather than more knowledgeable. If you become too knowledgeable, you will collect pictures, memories; you will go on taking notes; you will go on comparing your notes. You will come to a beautiful rose, and you will compare with some other roses that you have seen in the past; or you may compare with some other roses which you hope to see in the future, but you will never look at this rose. And only this rose is true! The roses that are accumulated in your memory are unreal, and the roses that you dream about are also unreal. Only this rose is real.

If you shift your energy from your mind to your awareness, you will be immediately aware of the footprints of the bull. Ordinarily, you follow the crowd. It is convenient, it is comfortable; it is like a sedative. With the crowd you need not worry; the responsibility is with the crowd.
once you imitate others, you will never be able to know who you are. Then self-knowledge becomes impossible.

Whenever you are in fear, you lose individuality.
The crowd does not like you to become different because that creates suspicion in others’ minds.

If one person goes against the crowd – a Jesus, or a Buddha -
If the crowd is a little wild, uncultured, Jesus will be crucified. If the crowd is like Indians – very cultured, centuries of culture, of nonviolence, of love, of spirituality – they will worship the Buddha. But by worshipping they are saying: “We are different, you are different. We cannot follow you, we cannot come with you. You are good, very good, but too good to be true. You don’t belong to us. You are a god – we will worship you. But don’t trouble us; don’t say things which can unhinge us, which can disturb our peaceful sleep.”

Out of fear you go on following others. Out of fear you cannot become an individual. So if you are really in search of the bull, then drop fear because the search is such that you will be living in danger; you will take risks.
Society will create all sorts of troubles for you so that you will come back and become normal again.

Man is more interested in his own image than in himself.

If there is fear, then rather than encountering it, he goes in another direction – prays to God, asking for help. Feeling an internal poverty, rather than encountering it, he goes on accumulating wealth, so that he can forget that he is poor inside. Seeing that he does not know himself, rather than encountering this ignorance, he goes on collecting knowledge, becoming knowledgeable, and like a parrot, goes on repeating borrowed things.

Life has to be encountered. Whatsoever you encounter, you have to look into it deeply because that same depth is going to become your self-knowledge.
Behind anger are the footprints of the bull. Behind sex are the footprints of the bull. If you escape from sex, anger, greed, this and that, you will be escaping from the footprints of the bull – and then it will be impossible to find out who you are.

With such a sensitivity, how can the bull hide? The bull can hide only if you are concentrated in one direction; then there are many directions in which the bull can hide. But when you are not concentrated in any direction, just open to all directions, how can the bull hide?

Concentration is objective. Meditation has no object to it. In this choiceless awareness, the mind disappears because the mind can only remain if consciousness is narrow. If the consciousness is wide, wide open, the mind cannot exist. The mind can exist only with choice.
Meditation is just standing in the open sky, available to everything.

Struggle is going to be there because the mind is not going to lose its power easily. The mind has been a dictator for so long; now you want the dictator to come down from the throne – it is impossible. The mind has become accustomed to bossing you and bullying you. It will give you a tough fight. It will go on following you, and it will go on finding weak moments when it can again overpower you.

with the inner search: your mind is your inner family. Whenever you want to do something new, whenever you want to go into the unknown, the mind resists, the mind says: No, this is not good. The mind will find a thousand and one rationalizations, and it is going to give you a hard struggle. That is natural, so don’t worry about it – it has to be so. But if you persist, you will become the master. Just persevere; persistence is needed.

Once you become sensitive to the world around you, then your sensitivity can be turned toward the inside, toward your inner home. It is the same sensitivity with which you hear a nightingale sing, with which you feel the warmth of the sun, with which you smell the fragrance of a flower. It is the same sensitivity that now must be turned inward. With the same sensitivity you are going to taste you, smell you, see you, touch you.

Use the world as training for sensitivity. Always remember: if you can become more and more sensitive, everything is going to be absolutely right.
Let all your senses be sharp, their tone sharp, alive, full of energy. And don’t be afraid of life. If you are afraid of life, then you become insensitive so nobody can hurt you.

They go blindfolded through life, and then they ask: Where is God? God is all around. You need to be sensitive, and then you can see the bull anywhere.
Behind each tree, and behind each rock, the bull is hiding. Touch it with love and even the rock will respond, and you can feel the bull there. Look lovingly at the stars and the stars will respond; the bull is hidden there.
The bull is the energy of the total. You are part of it. If you are alive and sensitive, you can feel the whole.

if somebody suddenly comes with a sword to kill you, what happens? In that moment, the mind stops. The sword flashes in your eyes and the mind stops. The moment is so dangerous that you cannot afford the luxury of thinking.

In Zen monasteries, disciples meditate and the master goes around with a stick, his staff. And whenever he sees somebody drooping, falling asleep, he hits hard on the head. A sudden jerk – energy becomes alert, a momentary glimpse. Sometimes satori has happened that way. The master hits hard; you were almost falling asleep – try to understand it. When you are falling asleep, you are on the threshold. From that threshold, two doors open: one door goes into sleep, another door goes into samadhi. That moment is very pregnant. Ordinarily you will fall asleep – your old routine. But you are on the threshold, and if at that time you can be made alert and aware, your life may have a glimpse of satori, of samadhi.

Patanjali, in his Yoga Sutras, also says that deep sleep is like samadhi, with only one difference: awareness is not there. In samadhi, you are as deep asleep as in any sleep, but you are alert. Your whole mechanism is asleep: body, mind – both are asleep. But you are alert. So sometimes it has happened that a man was hit on the head by the master and he became enlightened.

No is very economical. Yes is dangerous. But remember: once you say no, you become less alive. A man who goes on saying no, no, no, becomes more and more insensitive. No is a poison – be alert. Try to say yes more often – even if it is difficult because with yes the mind will lose its hold on you. With no, the hold will become stronger and stronger.

the bull is always waiting for you. That bull is not somewhere outside you. The bull is your innermost core. Between the bull and you there is a big wall of mind, of thoughts. Thoughts are the bricks, transparent bricks made of glass. So you can see through them and you may not even be aware that there is a wall between you and reality.

One thing is certain: that the fish, the mind of a fish, is going to be the last thing to know anything about the ocean. So close, hence so distant. So obvious, hence so hidden. So available, hence one is not aware of it.
Man also lives in an ocean of energy – the same energy inside, the same energy outside. You are born of it, you live in it, you will dissolve into it. And if you are missing it, it is not because it is very far away. You are missing it because it is very close. You are missing it because you have never missed it. It has always been there. Just become more sensitive.

Listen to the nightingales more deeply. Listen to the trees, the music that surrounds you. Listen to everything, look at everything, touch everything with so much intensity and so much sensitivity that when you look at anything you become the eyes, when you hear anything you become the ears, you touch anything and you become the touch. Do not get stuck in any one sense – all the senses merge into one. All the senses become one sensitivity. And suddenly you will find you have always been in godliness, you have always been with God.

To me, the whole training is how to become more and more sensitive.

God is not hidden, but you live with blindfolds on your eyes. You are not blind! God is not hidden. But blindfolds are on your eyes. Those blindfolds are thoughts, desires, imaginations, dreams, fictions – all fictions.

If you can drop fictions; if you can renounce fictions, suddenly you are in reality. So I don’t ask you to renounce the world, I ask you to renounce the dreams.
Only renounce that which you do not have. Only renounce that which is not really there in your hands; you simply imagine it is there. Renounce your dreams, and reality is available.

If you choose mind, you commit suicide as far as your inner being is concerned. If you choose your self, you will have to drop the mind.
And that is what meditation is all about.

Chapter 05 – Happiness Knows No Tomorrow

Osho,
You say that the mind’s substance is memory and information. Does reading therefore inflate and invigorate the mind?

It depends on you. You can use reading as food for the ego. It is very subtle. You can become knowledgeable; then it is dangerous and harmful. Then you are poisoning yourself because knowledge is not knowing, knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom has nothing to do with knowledge. Wisdom can exist in total ignorance. If you use reading as food for the mind, just to increase your memory, then you are going in the wrong direction.
But reading can be used in a different way; then reading is as beautiful as anything else in life.

If you read the Gita that way, you are reading the Gita with your blood, with your guts, with your heart, with your mind, with your body. Everything that you have, your totality, is there. When you are simply collecting information, only your head is there and nothing else. Then you gather impressions and you miss.

Listening to me should not be only through your head, but with your totality. You are a unity. Everything is joined together. When you listen to me, listen from your heart, listen from your feet, your hands – become a listener totally, not just with your head. If your head listens, then it goes on comparing with whatsoever you have known before. It goes on interpreting and, of course, your interpretations are yours, not mine.

If you read the Gita or the Bible only from your head, you will be enjoying everything else except the music; and the music is the real thing. That’s why we have called it the Bhagavad Gita – the song of the divine. The whole appreciation of it is in the internal coherence. It is poetry, it is not prose. And poetry has to be understood in a totally different way from prose.

Prose is logical, poetry is illogical. Prose is linear, it moves in a straight line. Poetry is not linear, it is circular, it moves in circles. Prose is for ordinary things and ordinary experiences. There are experiences which cannot be expressed in prose. Those experiences need poetry. Poetry means a more liquid form. Poetry means a more singing, dancing, celebrating form. All great scriptures are poetry; even if they are written in prose, they are poetry.

if you bring your yesterdays with you, then you will not be able to read the new meaning. Your mind is already full of meaning. You think you already know. You think you have been reading this book again and again – so what is the point? Then you go on reading it like a mechanical thing, and you go on thinking a thousand and one other thoughts. Then it is futile. Then it is just boring. Then you will not be rejuvenated by it. You will become dull.

You love a woman, then the woman is new every day. Reading the Gita or Koran is just like a love affair − every day is new. Maybe the words are the same, but the same words can carry different meanings. The same words can penetrate into your being from different doors. The same words in a certain moment can have a certain significance which they will not have in any other context. The meaning depends on you, not on the words you read. You bring meaning to the Gita, or Koran, or Bible, not vice versa.

One day you are in a mood of love. Another day you are in a mood of sadness. One day you are overflowing, another day you are a miser. Different colors and shades of moods − and in different shades and colors you will be reading the same book. Again and again, and the Gita becomes millions of doors. You can enter it from so many ways, from so many doors, and you bring the meaning. The meaning is yours.

the mind is the past – if you don’t bring the past in at all and you can read and listen, then your reading has become a meditation. Yes, reading can be helpful, but ordinarily it proves to be harmful, because the way you behave with books is harmful to you. You simply collect; you go on collecting dead facts. You become a junkyard – maybe an encyclopedia − but you lose the inner coherence, the inner music, the inner harmony. You become a crowd − so many voices, no unity. This is not getting integrated; this is disintegration.

Osho, I took sannyas from Swami Shivanand of Rishikesh after reading his book Brahmacharya and other books of his.

After some years, I was attracted to Sri Ramana Maharshi and thereafter to Sri Aurobindo due to his integral approach to the divine. From 1959 onward I was doing meditation on the lines indicated by Sri Aurobindo and The Mother.
Thereafter J. Krishnamurti's approach attracted me, now yours.
I enjoy and feel happy whenever I read Sri Aurobindo's works, since he emphasizes living a full life and realization of the integral divine and gives much emphasis to physical transformation.
You also emphasize not to negate life but to live fully, and have given a new meaning to sannyas. Hence I am here to embrace this also. I wonder whether I am on the right path or drifting? What is this multifarious attraction in me? Could you help me with a right path if I am drifting?

The first thing to be understood: before one can come to the right door, one has to knock on many doors. Life is an adventure – of courage, daring, and basically it is trial and error. One has to go astray many times to come to the right path. And when I say the right path, I don’t mean that Sri Ramana’s path is not right, but it must not have been right for you; otherwise there is no need to go further.

Once you have come to the right path for you − and it is always a question of the individual − it has nothing to do with Ramana, Aurobindo or me; it is a question of you. If you have come to me, and you feel at home, then your journey is finished. Now there is no need to drift any more, now you can settle and start working because while drifting work is impossible.

It is as if you start constructing a house and in the middle of it you are attracted to something else, and you leave it and you start another house. And in the middle again you are attracted to something else. Then you will live like a vagabond. The house will never be completed. One has to settle somewhere, one has to commit somewhere.

It is good that you have been to Shivanand, to Ramana, to Aurobindo. It shows you have been seeking – but it also shows that you did not feel at home anywhere. So the journey continued. The journey has to continue until you come to a point where you can say: Yes, I have arrived. Now there is no need for any more departures. Then you can relax. Then the real work starts.

It is as if the plant has been removed from one place to another again and again. The plant cannot grow; the plant needs to settle on one ground so that roots can go deep. If you go on moving the plant again and again, the roots will never grow; and if roots cannot go deeper, the plant cannot go higher.

Hence commitment. Commitment means: this is the soil for me now and I am ready to settle for it. It is risky because, who knows, a better soil may be available somewhere else. So the risk is there, but one has to take that risk some day or other. If you go on and on just waiting for something better, something better, the time may be lost, and by the time you have arrived you will be dead.

The phenomenon that you call initiation was intellectual; by reading the books, not by being in the presence of the master. You must be an intellectual, calculating, theorizing. This won’t allow you to go into a deep relationship – and the relationship between a master and a disciple is the deepest, deeper than the relationship between a lover and the beloved.

To me, all thoughts are rubbish; only awareness is valuable. And awareness has no ideas in it. It is a simple, pure light of consciousness.
I am not going to be with you, I repeat, you have to be with me.
So I am not going to fulfill your expectations in any way. If you have theories, I am against them already without knowing them because I am against mind and my whole emphasis is how to become a no-mind.

As far as I know, if somebody comes back from Ramana, then there must be something very deeply wrong. With Shivanand it is not much of a problem, with Aurobindo also it is not much of a problem. Shivanand is just ordinary. Aurobindo is a great intellectual, a mahapundit, a great scholar. So if somebody comes away, nothing is lost; you have not lost much because there was nothing to be gained in the first place. But if you have come away from Ramana, that shows something deep like a cancer in your soul. People like Ramana are very rare – thousands of years pass, then sometimes that quality of being arises. Ramana is like a Buddha, a Jesus, or a Krishna – a very rare phenomenon.

But I know why you could not get in tune with Ramana: because of your Shivanands and your Aurobindos. To get in tune with a Ramana means to drop your ego completely. Great courage is needed.

Going to Shivanand, Aurobindo, Ramana, Krishnamurti, you have some idea that you like and you love these people, but your liking is not enough. You don’t love enough; otherwise you would have eaten them and they would have transformed you.

Become aware! As it is, you have wasted a long time already. You can also go from this door empty-handed, but remember: the responsibility is yours. If you take courage, I am ready to give you whatever can be given. But for visitors nothing can be given, and even if it is given they will not be able to understand.

If you are tired of your journey, going from one place to another, from one person to another; if you are really tired, then here I am, ready to give you whatsoever you are seeking. But you will have to fulfill one condition and that is: a total commitment. Unless you become part of my family, nothing can be given. Even then I would like to give you something, but you will not be able to take it. Or, even if you take it, you will think it is nothing because your mind will continuously befog you. It won’t allow you to understand, it won’t allow you to see directly.

Of course, Ramana has a certain path – very simple, absolutely nonintellectual. The head was not required at all on that path; the head had to be dropped. If you had allowed him, you would have been beheaded by him. The head is not part of his path. It is a path of the heart.

Krishnamurti is just the opposite. The path is absolutely true, but the head has to be used and transcended, not to be dropped. That’s why Krishnamurti appeals tremendously to intellectuals – nothing of the heart; everything is analysis, dissection. He is a great surgeon; he goes on dissecting.

I am more concerned with the individual seeker. If I see that devotion, worship, prayer, will be helpful to you, I teach you that. If I see meditation will be helpful to you, I teach that. If I see that just understanding, pure awareness, will be helpful, I teach that. If I feel that awareness is going to make you very tense, does not fit with your type, then I teach you to be lost completely in something, absorbed completely in something.