How much do I want to read more? 5/10
Some good information, although there are a lot of repetitions, and all of it we can find in previous existing books.
It’s one of the most important abilities in life, but you won’t really learn it at school.
Effective communication—exactly what makes human beings dominant on this blue planet.
In my personal experience, lack of communication skills is exactly what ruins most people’s lives.
Overall, I’d say effective communication is like an engine oil that makes your life run smoothly, getting you wherever you want to be. There are very few areas in life in which you can succeed in the long run without this crucial skill.
There’s only one condition. Every single day, you need to ask yourself this question:
What can I do even better, more efficiently, differently and more effectively?
“What can I do even better, more simply, differently and more effectively to improve my communication with other people?”
The “7%-38%-55%” rule can be seen as the metaphor of effective and efficient communication, which MUST contain the core of both verbal and non-verbal components, connected in a smart and congruent way.
the way of speaking is responsible for 38% of overall communication, spoken content (what we talk about) is 7% and body language is 55%.
Part I: The Right Attitude and a Little Bit About Emotions
1. Everybody Has a Different Map of the World
It does not matter what this world actually is. We each get to know it by our senses: eyes, ears, taste, touch, smell.
Each bit of information is processed by different filters: culture, language, beliefs, values, experiences.
Every human being has their own filters, which differ from person to person.
That is the reason why every person sees reality individually. Everyone perceives the same situation differently and can interpret the same words divergently. We all live in our own, unique realities made by sensory impressions and individual experiences.
Firstly, you need to know that you can solve your problems by changing your own filters. You can change your beliefs, values and the way you see the world. It will make you change at a deep level.
Secondly, getting to know a map of the world of another human being is the key to understanding them. When you truly realize and understand that everyone can see certain things totally differently than you do, it will be much easier for you to create healthy relationships.
2. There Are Positive Intentions Behind Every Human Behavior
We are simply doing the best we can with the skillset we currently have.
They’re probably suffering and that’s what makes them hurt other people.
The reason for that is they just don’t get it. They don’t have the skillset to cope with the situation, they don’t have the right tools or they don’t know how to use them. Very often, when you change your perspective, the things you look at literally change.
Think, “They are innocent and they did the best they could in their current situation.”
3. It Is Impossible Not to Communicate
The way in which a receiver reacts depends on the message you send and the way you send it.
Communication with other people is one of the most precious abilities among our vast array of interpersonal skills.
Chapter 1: How Do Our Mental Filters Operate?
Every single piece of information that comes from our environment goes through mental filters we all have in our minds.
A change of your attitude and mindset is the most effective route to a positive revolution in your personal growth.
You do not see reality as it truly is. What you see is only an interpretation, produced by your brain.
A different way of seeing the world means a completely different life. Remember that you always have a pair of “mental glasses” on your nose. These glasses can be black and a source of unhappiness, but they can also be colorful, which will make your life much more passionate and much easier.
Chapter 2: A Map Is Not Actual Terrain
Everyone is right according to their own map of the world.
There’s a gap in time between event and response. Between, for instance, someone saying something mean to you and you giving them a response.
The way we react to this situation is simply a reflection of who we think we are.
everything we say and do is a reflection of who we think we are and what we believe.
What people say to you—it’s about them.
“It’s my eighty-sixth day at the camp. I lost probably about 20 kilograms, I can see my every single bone and there are bruises on every centimeter of my body, but I’m still alive, which makes me really grateful. I also shared my bowl of grass soup with a starving little Jewish child, and the Nazis didn’t notice. Today I was looking at Nazi soldiers. Poor people, they are watching us from behind these metal bars. If I’m behind the bars, so they are. We can’t leave this place, and so they can’t until their vain mission is accomplished. Locked in this prison of foolish human pride and self-conceit, and they think we are the only ones trapped in here.”
Jesus was whipped, humiliated, spat on, kicked, made to carry his heavy cross and then crucified, but he never reacted as if that was happening to him—he acted according to whom he believed he was—God’s son.
Chapter 3: Eight Most Important Questions You Should Ask Yourself
Everything you say must be possible to realize
Anything you say must be precisely formulated
what you say must be positively formulated.
remember to always take responsibility for yourself.
always describe measurable facts instead of trying to read minds.
always describe your feelings without attacking and offending your interlocutor.
express opinions about people’s behaviors, not about them in general.
say directly what you want to communicate.
It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out that effective communication is the most important skill to learn and master as a human being.
Remember, the most effective communicators on this planet (historical, spiritual and new movement leaders, politicians and dictators with big impacts, hero spies, the best teachers, legendary seducers, celebrities loved by masses, big company owners, good parents, popular YouTubers, writers, journalists, psychotherapists, stand-up comedians, actors…) were not usually just born that way!
Look for your local Toastmasters or rhetoric group, practice with a mirror and camera, read more books about social psychology and body language and never stop growing! The main prize is totally worth it! I believe in you!