How much do I want to read more? 8/10

This book is likable because it just feels good reading it. +
It's a set of reflections we probably already had, and it's a joy to see it on paper. So we can reflect on it again, and appreciate their benefits again.

Let's take for example this one: +
"Look for the many ways people communicate their love without saying it."

How profound, because we don't need words to express our attention, our care. It can be through Cooking, cleaning, working, playing, joking, or just sitting there and observing what another person is doing. Isn't it even better than just any "words"?
This simple sentence encourages us to see more ways, other and ourselves can use to express love and care. It's a call for action, to observe and see it in our everyday's life.

I can't stop but think of Anthony de Mello when reading this book.


Praise

[quote, Carol Krucoff]
Our words can harm or heal

[quote, Lori Deschene]
“What Would Buddha Say? provides a fantastic blueprint for speaking to others with kindness, compassion, consideration, and respect. If we all followed Barbara Ann Kipfer’s advice, we’d hurt each other less, help each other more, and say fewer things we regret.”

[quote, Kimber Simpkins]
“Kipfer brings us a companion brimming with reminders to speak authentically and from the heart, as if we had a tiny friend in our pocket who occasionally pulled at our sleeve to ask, What Would Buddha Say? In these days, when we cannot trust so much of what our eyes show us or the words that reach our ears, her book presses the reset button, reminding us the truth begins first in how we speak to ourselves.”

Foreword

What will you say? Isn’t this the question?

Here Barbara Ann Kipfer serves us a rare meal. She combines a variety of ingredients: words to encourage right speech, essays to guide our speech during everyday life, and meditations on skillful speech meant to support us in finding our grounding. Each course contains words to guide our inner and outer communication. Some of these words are gentle, like a hand touching the ground. Other words have the power to cut through to the core of our being, like a sword.

Words are powerful. One way to view our lives is through our words. Our lives can be seen as one word following another, one sentence after another.
Notice how our inner dialogue shapes our outer dialogue. See how our speech shapes our decisions and our actions.
My scientist colleagues are fond of saying that our brains are story-telling machines, weaving our thoughts
Through deep listening, we can become more aware and more intimate with these stories, and little by little transform and align our inner and outer speech.

Underlying the practice of right speech is a core teaching of the Buddha—the teaching of impermanence, the fact that everyone and everything changes. Everything—you, others, relationships, and our environment.

What stories do you tell yourself? Do you see the world through the lens of doubt and mistrust, or do you notice how love is being communicated?
Just this simple practice of noticing. How do you communicate love, with and without words?
These are not just ordinary words. These are words meant to be considered, absorbed, and most of all practiced.

May our words create mutual understanding and love.

Marc Lesser

Introduction

Right Speech is one of the elements in Buddha’s Eightfold Path to enlightenment.
The concept of Right Speech is to refrain from lying, divisive speech, harsh speech, and senseless speech. Practicing Right Speech is a very valuable tool in achieving happiness.

A little reflection will show that speech and the written word can have enormous consequences for good or for harm. Speech can break lives, create enemies, and start wars, or it can give wisdom, heal divisions, and create peace.

This book was written to offer reminders to make Right Speech a habit.

We too often express pessimism or criticism that does not need to be voiced. We make comments about what other people say—really just to hear ourselves talk. We don’t stop to ask whether we really need to say what we say, or whether what we are about to say is kind or useful.
We blurt out opinions that are hurtful, even if they are “honest.”
And we lie, talk about others when they are not there, exaggerate, put down and diminish people and things, and talk in unnecessary absolutes and superlatives.

For every one of us there is room for improvement in this area. We can train ourselves to speak at the proper time, to speak the truth, to speak gently, to speak beneficially, and to speak from a friendly heart.

You can make mindful communication a cornerstone of your spiritual life.

Paying acute attention to each happening, each action, each word is called mindfulness. It’s so easy to go on autopilot.

As you practice mindfulness during everyday activities, you will breathe more deeply and see more wonders.

And just as you hopefully make sure to do regular physical exercise, try to incorporate meditation exercises into your life, which will help you achieve better mental health and poise when speaking, writing, or listening.

The most important person to speak truly to is yourself, with inner speech. Negative inner talk only creates a negative inner emotional landscape. Show as much compassion to yourself as you would toward others and watch your life begin to change for the better.

don’t talk if you cannot improve on silence.


Teachings

If a relationship has become difficult, it may be because you have nourished your judgment and your anger, not your compassion.

Listening is an art. Listen with a still and concentrated mind. Then it is possible to be responsive to what is being said.

The blow of a whip raises a welt, but a blow of the tongue crushes bones. (Apocrypha, Ecclesiasticus)

Look for the many ways people communicate their love without saying it.

When you avoid people who differ from you, you shut yourself off from different perspectives and reduce your capacity for creative solutions.

Your inner stories are based on your own opinions. By listening deeply and openly to your inner dialogue, you can replace the inner authority figure with a more loving, nurturing voice.

The more you practice concentrating on the breath, the longer you will be able to sustain a mindful listener’s composure, free from internal distraction.

Anger is like picking up hot coals with your bare hands and trying to throw them at the person you’re angry at. Who gets burned first?

Avoid using “should” and absolutes like “never,” “always,” and “every.” Absolutes are hot-button words that can easily shut down the other person’s willingness to listen.

Poke holes of wakefulness into your mindless communication habits.

What you do not say in a situation is often as important as what you say.

Listening to your words during stressful discussions is essential to avoid fueling the fire.

Speak only that which you know yourself, see by yourself, and find by yourself.

An alert, calm state of mindfulness, achieved through regular practice, begins to permeate every interaction.

Take the time to express support for someone else’s project or work.

Connection is your true nature; you just have to learn to permit it.

The precept of Noble Silence is practiced with no radio, no phone, no television, no writing, no reading, no Internet.