How much do I want to read more? 6/10
Some good reminder, although well known, like smiling to feel happier, breathing from the belly, having shoulder and back straight.
Accept your emotions instead of covering them up, Be responsible..
A fast read (1 hour).
[quote, Seth Godin]
“How easily do you bounce back from a disappointment? What is your reaction to change? As an investor, or a board member or an employee, are you seeking stability or impact? Resilience is a skill, one that’s probably more valuable than most.”
able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Example: “babies are generally far more resilient than new parents realize”. Synonyms: strong, tough, hardy.
WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE…
Mind the gap
It’s pretty simple. There’s a gap between a stimulus (what happens to us) and our emotional response and subsequent behavior.
[quote, Eric Greitens]
“Resilience is the virtue that enables people to move through hardship and become better. No one escapes pain, fear and suffering. Yet from pain can come wisdom, from fear can come courage, from suffering can come strength - if we have the virtue of resilience.”
Chapter One - THE FIRST STEP…
Habit # 1:
Resilient people acknowledge their emotions, accept responsibility for them, and learn to interpret the positive intentions of their emotions..
YOUR EMOTION IS YOUR REALITY
Whatever it is—fear, jealousy, joy, loneliness—allow yourself to feel it without any attempt to push it away or change it.
Accept that for the moment, the emotion you are feeling is your reality. This gives you the opportunity to take careful inventory of every feeling you encounter and move on to make a positive change.
Perhaps you feel ashamed of feeling hurt, so rather than allowing yourself to feel that way, you attempt to cover up the hurt with anger and indignation.
covering up the initial feeling of hurt takes energy and effort that would be better spent improving your outlook.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE? (HINT: IT’S YOU)
We actually can choose how we feel, but we can’t do that until we stop letting others control us and accept responsibility for our own emotions. Accept that the only reason you’re feeling the way you do is because you’ve allowed yourself to feel that way.
WHAT IS THE POSITIVE INTENTION?
People who are emotionally resilient are able to use this to their advantage by looking for the positive intention behind the negative emotion they’re feeling. They dig deep and discover the signal—the message, or intention—that the emotion is sending them. Like a detective, resilient people ask, “What is the true purpose of this emotion?”
THE MOST POWERFUL EXAMPLE OF EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE
“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
Frankl acknowledged the pain and suffering he was feeling and then, as difficult as it was, set about searching for the positive intention and purpose of the pain.
Ultimately, he realized the pain was there as a teacher to help him create an inner victory. He understood that even when we cannot control our external circumstances, we can control our emotional reactions and generate an inner victory. Exhibit A: after Frankl was released from the camp, he resumed work as a psychiatrist and worked to help others find meaning in their pain.
IN A NUTSHELL
- Hide and suppress their true emotions
- Blame others for how they feel
- Do not look for the positive intentions of their emotions
- Acknowledge their emotions
- Accept responsibility for their emotions
- Learn to interpret the positive intentions of their emotions
Chapter Two - A TOOL THAT WORKS WONDERS
[quote, Christian Jarrett]
“Your body language doesn’t merely reflect your emotions, it’s often the cause.”
Resilient people master their emotions through their physiology
In her research, Amy Cuddy found that when people adopt power postures—that is, when they take up as much space as they need by standing or sitting straight with their shoulders back, chest out, feet planted shoulder-width apart, and breathing deeply from the belly—two things happen. Within just two minutes:
- Testosterone levels increase by 20%.
- Cortisol decreases by 25%.
Testosterone is the hormone responsible for confidence.
Cortisol is the hormone responsible for stress.
[quote, Carol Kinsey Goman]
“A joint study by the USC Marshall School of Business, and J.L. Rotman School of Management at the University of Toronto, found that by simply adopting more dominant poses (open and expansive posture), people felt in control and were able to tolerate more physical pain and emotional distress.”
I believe that, just as with body language, this correlation also works in the reverse (in other words, changing your breathing patterns will change how you feel).
Keep breathing steadily for a couple of minutes—flooding your brain with oxygen and changing your body’s biochemistry to result in a calmer, more peaceful state.
IN A NUTSHELL
- Adopt low-power postures when they’re feeling down
- Change their body language to change how they feel
- Utilize the power of breathing and facial expressions to master their emotional states
Chapter Three HOW TO ADJUST YOUR FOCUS
[quote, Mind Tools]
“Resilience (or resiliency) is our ability to adapt and bounce back when things don’t go as planned. Resilient people don’t wallow or dwell on failures; they acknowledge the situation, learn from their mistakes, and then move forward.”
Resilient people consciously control meaning through focus